I dont know what to say.
From the start I didnt want to escape. I just prolly wanted to stop the quarrel and let the misunderstanding go. I didnt mean let the misunderstanding stays. When we all know that its all a misunderstanding, why do we still have to clear it. We have cleared it therefore we conclude that it's a misunderstanding. And yes, by doing this, I didnt want to drag anyone with me but by judging people, by your assumptions and by telling the whole world doesnt help this matter at all. Once again, I said drop the topic, means stop. It really annoys me when one thing happen after another. I dont want any finger pointing or judgment in this. This will be the last time I'm going to say something related to this. I will leave!

Have been feeling healthy recently. Since last thursday, I have been running everyday without fail. I dont know where the motivation came from but I just want to use this time to keep my body fit. However, that's only physically healthy and not mentally.
There are too much problems around me recently. Probably the last holiday I have in Poly. After a tiring project and before the scary FYP that will be coming to me next term. I really want to enjoy this holiday fruitfully. But in order to enjoy, all we need is money. Be it staying in sg or overseas, we need.. MONEY! Have been looking for part time job but they keep dragging. We didnt have our confirmation yet. Planned for a bangkok trip with angela and xs in Oct so I really need a job!
However, a part time job needs people who can commit during the weekends. I'm very sorry to my bf because I need to sacrifice our weekends. I know he is very reluctant of me to work during the weekends but he gave me his full support. That's all I need. And this is the reason why I love him so much. For my selfishness and fun, he's willing to support me!

Next, which actually affect me the most are my friends. 8 years of friendship is really a long one. The memories we had can never be replaced. However, it didnt goes well. From the start, I didnt think about losing this friendship at all. We had explained ourselves once and it doesnt work. But since we came to a point that it's all a misunderstanding. So why not, put it down and just treat it as a misunderstandings. I didnt want to talk about it is not because I want to escape. I dont want this friendship to be hurt anymore. But well, the message wasnt bring through well. I dont know what to say anymore.. Its been 5 month and this matter was brought up. I see no point!Why bringing it up again? It doesnt help you see.

Life has been the biggest problem. University or work? But I have came to a decision which is to see my GPA this year. If I manage to get a 3.8 and abv this year, I'm going uni. If not. I shall work to gain experience. Well, this society is just about certificates. My parents have been worrying about me. They even asked me if I really want to continue pursuing this diploma because they feel that I cannot take the stress. I guess I have scare them during my breakdowns. Dont worry, I'm fine alright. These world are just too competitive. Which I really hates. Being competitive, you score. That is why it became a dilemma to me.

I really dont like the competitive world, the competitive life. I would prefer to work with people who are pursuing for the same thing yet helping one another. I agree humans are born selfish but there is a limit. I manage to finish my last term project because i have my friends. But somehow, there are people who are competitive to an extent that all they care is themselves and their work. And towards competitive people, I became cautious towards them. Because they are selfish to me, i cannot treat them with a positive mindset. This makes me being competitive as well. Competitive is good but please, it doesnt mean selfish. Sometimes when they were doing something good for me, I will tend to judge if they have any motive. I dont like, I dont want this mentality. I've treated you as my friend but do you? Have you think of this before? I dont know how you actually face me and talk to me as if nothing happens. I know it wasnt that simple. I dont know how must these friends are worth in your life. Nobody is alone, we all need friends. Dont you?

All these have been pondering in my mind for so long. It definitely affect me alot.

Hello September!

It hasnt been a good start for the september. Sometimes it is really hard to make one understand your thoughts because everyone thinks differently. However, I still hope there is still people out there who knows the reason behind the things I do. Especially my close ones. In these 3 years of studying in SP, the stress I had is too much for me that I breakdown all the time. But these breakdowns are somehow the way I relieved my stress and not because I'm forced to do it. Indeed I see grades as the most priorities but on the other hand, it is also a motivation for me to pull over. Sometimes i wish I could care lesser and enjoy the life I have now. But I just cant bear to sacrifice a little grades. Not even a little chance to let it slipped away. At this stage where I am, I just want to maintain the grades I'm having and of course if I could do better. I cannot let it go downwards after so much of hardwork. Also, I enjoyed too. Not only the when I received my grades. Just take the last project I had. Although there are tons of things to do, tons of unhappiness with others but I enjoyed the process of forming up my model and tgt with the bunch of friends. Grades are my motivation which maybe someone else has a different things that keep them motivated. And yes, that's mine! Who wouldnt want to slack all the way. Who doesnt want their everyday to be holiday. And who doesnt want their weekends to relax and rest after a long week. However, there is really too much to do. I didnt expect the start of september to be like this. I didnt expect our monthsary to be like this...

nevertheless, I have done my last submission for this sem! Really done with it and I got no more worries for the weeks after till school reopen. School reopen would be even more hectic because it's FYP! However, I dont want to slack my holiday away! I want to work and earn some money for a holiday and shop with my friends like crazy. A reward and a therapy after a term! Looking forward to that :)

happy 23rd months..