Having a blast at USS yesterday as my parents didnt went there before. Because of the new ride , the transformer, it is very crowded there! Every rides we have to queue for quite some time. The most tiring one was obviously the transformer ride. We waited for more that 2hrs just for a ride. However, we felt that it is worthwhile! The animation was really damn cool. But, I was rather scare when I took the ride because it just felt so real. I realised that I became more and more timid as I grow up. I couldnt take the trill anymore. Compared to the last time I went USS, this time I couldnt enjoy the rides. However, my mum was much stronger than I am. She was so daring. Before the rides I'm still thinking if she should take because she has aged and it's been so long she took these rides. My poor dad cannot take these kind of trill and therefore, he didnt try any of the rides. It started to rain on our first ride. And here comes my flu. I have to enjoy myself while enjoying the fun there! Right now, I'm down with flu and fever which I felt so shag. Tomorrow is the prep camp for ice camp yet i'm sick... Bad timing!

That event was something I really want to do from the start but now I have another feeling for it. Why do you do something which you think will fail in the end. Everyone is not communicating, everyone is not putting their 100% into it. Sometimes I wonder is it a obligation for them to do this event. As a organising committee, I dont feel like one. We are not the one planning and doing it together. I know it's not easy to get everyone to work together. But I really dont see their excitement for it. Everything was pushed together and it's always so last minute. Prep camp, training camp, day 0 and actual camp are all packed together. All on a consecutive days. It's not about spending too many days to the event. But whether is it worth it for it. Right now, it's really a no. Why do I spent my whole week for a event which I don't think it will be a good one. What can I do when there isnt any planning parts for me. From an event team, I'm a nobody in the camp. Not because I dont commit to it. Just because they forgot to add me to the event page? Just because I didnt went for the meeting when i'm not notify? I'm just a helper with the name of oc. I wanted to withdraw from it but I cannot. It is my responsibility. My friends and my juniors are attending as ocs, gls, helpers and campers. We asked them to attend yet I'm withdrawing? I'm not going to do that. I'm going because of these people. I will leave with regrets...

Have you ever imagine about your 'dream house'? Yes I do.

I don't want to stay in this city. All we do is work and sleep. Everywhere we see tall buildings with busy roads. If I have the money, I want to own a beach at anywhere the world. Build my own house at the seaside and setup a cafe there. Lots of freedom and you do not have to worry about anything. All you need to worry is when tsunami came and visit you. I want to have my own house and stay with my love ones there. Own a yacht or just a boat and go onto the sea. Isnt it cool to stay on a beach? You can go for a suntanning to relax yourself. Go for a swim or diving when the weather is hot. Do some fishing when you are bored. surfboarding when you want some trill.

I'm not sleeping yet I'm dreaming! This is impossible and will never happen in my lifetime. I shall continue to picture it soon, in my dream!

Just some random thoughts!

Nights people.

Thanks for giving me the chance to love you and be loved.

No one will ever know how far we can last but I truly want to be with you, forever.

You are the one I want to be with & you are the one who help me understand what love really is.

Never had I said about forever love but, you had changed my thoughts of it.

Thanks for being there when I needed you the most

I can never find someone like you; someone who understands me so well.

You are irreplaceable..

Changes occur in our everyday life and change is constant. I have stopped looking back of the past, stop thinking about finding back the things I have lost. Because I know that it's meaningless by then. I'm satisfied with what I have now. People stay are people who do not judge on you, that's how you define your true friends. They might not like you at times but they stayed because they accepted you!

I can't change the angsty-ness in me. Whenever I'm stress at work or rushing for submission, I will throw temper at my love ones. And every single time when I know that I shouldnt do that, I just cannot control. I sincerely feel so bad about it. Today's critique was thumbs up! Getting compliments is what we urge for after few weeks of hard work. But my day doesnt goes smoothly after it. The only thing that is good is that an angel appears when I felt so helpless. We were taught how to use a software but there isn't a lecturer who can help me. And the worse thing is that the only teacher who know about it was on MC today! Fortunately, someone from AA came to our studio and I just approach her randomly. I need to solve it desperately! But problems came up one by one that really makes me go bonkers! I'm really sorry to make people worried about me. I hurt the one who cares about me the most and I also hurt myself at the same time. I'm so sorry. You have always been supporting me these periods and I really appreciate it. And now, it's the end of this term. I have finished all my submissions and here comes my holiday!

Please, no projects for the upcoming workshop! I have got no feel for doing any work right now! Photoshoot and shopping with Nah tmr! goodnight!:)

This post is dedicated to this reader who didnt stop stalking me! I thought she has stopped viewing my blog for a long time because there's a period of time when I stopped blogging. I was surprised when she mentioned my latest post today! Yes, she complained that I didnt mention her about missing her so this is the post for you alright!

Met up with her today as I got stuff to buy. Shopped for the whole night and yes we bought alot of stuff within that few hours.

She's a friend of mine whom I know her since sec1 and she was one of my closest friend during my secondary school life. I know that you will be thinking " am I not one right now". Hahahaa you are still my close friend alright. We didnt meet that often but I still feel comfortable going out with you. Among the group of friends I have, I guess you are one of them whom I met the most.

This is the girl whom I can confide to because she will never hide her opinions. She's classified in the same category as me which is " the money face". She was a fierce girl who nobody can stand her staring. But she's still the most gentle one among us. Although she was once a very materialistic girl, she had thought over it and changed her views towards money. ( I think this is the most successful thing she had done over the past 6 years! ) She always said that she's sweet but but please stop lying to yourself :x

Life will never be a bed of roses. Humans are the same. I'm glad that you have become more positive towards life. Do not care about what others said about you because what's more important is you know what you are doing! We can never stop someone from saying something so just let them say whatever they want. Dont take it to heart because you will never be happy like this. Whenever you need me, I will always be there for you :)

DB Architect? Norman foster?

Today Cindy called me up together with xiu zhen and she told us a news. I wonder if that is a good or a bad news to me. She told us that Norman Foster wanted 2 students for ITP and we were chosen for that. Norman Foster is a company in Shanghai and Cindy said that its a good opportunity for us. Now that I have 2 companies that she posted me to. She said if Norman Foster turns to be a 'go', she will put me there and take me out of db architect. 7 weeks at shanghai? Thats what stopping me. I'm going to be separated with my parents and dear bf. hmmm. If only i'm firm that i'm going to further study in design, I will definitely go. Sigh. Whenever i think about my future, I got so stress up. I need a direction, a firm one so that I can focus on it!

Taking a break from all the work I have to update my blog. Recently, I've been so lazy to blog. Sometimes I feel like ranting, sometimes i feel like sharing and sometimes i just feel like keeping everything to myself. Works have been piling up and i'm trying my best to get rid of it one by one. Trying my best not to do my work on the weekends so that I can have all my time spending the pig! TOD presentation is the biggest obstacle that we are trying to get rid of. We must finish it by tomorrow so that we can have time for other works. Today, cindy called and asked me if I have prepared my CV for itp. She's going to post me to DB architect for the interview. Need to do my portfolio soon! I don't know if it will be a good choice for me. Some people said that I wont be learning much things as it's a big company. But, all I want is to have friends to keep my accompany and done with it! I have started to wavered my thoughts of further studying in design. I judge my ability in this aspects. I cannot handle the stress at times and I'm always stuck with ideas. I dont know if i'm really fit to be a designer. I dont know if I should go for a stable job like accounting or just go for my interest which is design. Right now, I'm still deciding on it. But no matter what, I'm not giving up now. A high GPA is still what I'm aiming for. The only thing I know is that to get into Uni, the most important thing is the GPA. Therefore for every single module, I'm gonna neglect it. There isnt lesson tomorrow and i'm gonna make it productive. But but but.. I'm not gonna sacrifice my precious sleep! goodnight :)

This is not the right time to fall sick! My nose started to irritate me halfway through lesson yesterday. After I got home from school and meeting, I got no more energy for work. I feel so sleepy and tired that all I want is to sleep. I couldnt do anything. Therefore, I decided to sleep early and make the next day progressive. However, I could not sleep well. I can feel the dryness in my throat whenever I woke up. At the time when my alarm rang, I felt even more sick and so I decided not to go school. My mum came into my room and realized i'm having fever. Visit the doctor and got my medicine. Sigh! why is it happening at this time. My target was to finish my model by today. And now, it becomes so impossible. Sleep is the only thing I can do after medicine. Feel like a pig. Why am I so weak, why do I fall sick so frequently. Have been visiting the doctor so many times this year. This is not right!

I really want to apologise to my mum as I've been throwing temper at her recently. Though I still feel angry and pissed for what happen, I know I should not be like this. This is the second time since school reopen. Maybe he was right that i'm having too much stress. Today, I can really feel the stress. Yes, it's only the second week of school reopen, what stress can I get? All I wanted is to keep all my weekends and holidays free for work so that it will not be wasted. It is to spend wisely with him because we can hardly meet right now. I will try my best to work faster and finish it faster than what i have done. I have been a slow worker, no matter how early I start, I still couldnt finish it earlier. Redo and redo, doing more and more. But today, I got really pissed off and stress out when i know that I need to redo my horse for the third times. It's easy but time consuming. I can no longer waste my time on redoing my works. What's more, I couldnt rush my work and forsake the quality! I want good quality that allow me to gain confident to get A. Yes, I only want As! I need to work faster, work harder by spending the minimum time. The worst thing is that my body clock is so used to what i have in the holidays. I got so tired so early! Feeling so sick, I know I cant do any work anymore so i'm going to bed now! tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.

It's already second day of school and my engine has not started. I have the feeling for work but I laziness came to me when I'm doing. I don't want the same thing to happen last sem, I need to do well! I need to! I don't want to compete with anyone but you only get stronger during competition! Recently, the mindset of studying design is swaying here and there. I don't know if I should carry on. Not because i'm not interested or giving up but I fear for my future. This is not a stable job. It's either I go high up or going to the very bottom. Why must we fear so much for our future? Why must we fight so much for our life. I don't like this at all. But you only get happiness when you have a good future. This is the world that I'm brought up with. We enjoyed all the comfort here but at the same time, we need to work harder. Unlike other country, they are living in such a slow pace. They are happy but they do not enjoy what we enjoyed. This is just LIFE~

These few days I couldnt contact him because they were banned for using phone. Sigh. Days without meeting, days without seeing, days without talking and days without knowing. The feeling of waiting is so much terrible than being single. Being single, you do not have someone for you to wait, for you to worry and for you to love. Whereas, you can't stop thinking when you are waiting. I get so emotional at times but trust me, I will not give up because of this. Because, I'm waiting for someone who worth my time! Weekends became something that i look forward to everyday. I'm not the only one who is doing the waiting. It's unfair for me to say I'm the only one who is experiencing the feeling of waiting. I believe he's looking forward to his weekends too as it is the only time he gets his freedom!

I wanted it back so much but I know it's no longer with me

I can sense it long ago

After 7 days of hard work, I'm back to singapore. It was not as tired as what I thought it would be. We enjoyed all the 7 days at thailand and had so much fun! The people there were all shy, gentle and kind. They welcome us with their smile daily and never did they lose their temper. They were all living in a much slower pace than how is it in singapore. The village was so quiet and beautiful that we all enjoy. However, the mosquitoes is the only thing that i dislike about it. Though everyone said that they did not have any bites, I do have lots of it. There's even a swollen one on my foot the second day. My thigh, arms and toes were also bitten. I guess I've attracted all the mosquitoes from them.

We worked rather fast. Our timetable were set to finish the day work by 6pm but we only used half of the day. The villagers and volunteers were all shocked by our working speed. We were all competitive and workaholics. We rejected breaks that is given to us. All we wanted is finish as fast as we could. However, the villagers were kinda tired because they had never worked so fast before.

They were all so good that we keep taking photos with them on the last day. It's really hard for us to bid farewell with them after working together for 7 days. I nearly teared when our truck was leaving the villagers. Looking at how grateful they were, I felt so happy for it.

Because we got to finish work early, we went swimming at the hotel. We hardly get to swim without swimming costumes. Therefore, we were all so happy playing in the pool. We almost went shopping everyday though we said we dont shop so much. Changed money again and again till we really went broke. We reach singapore with no thai and sing dollars. The bargaining were so fun and addictive. Look at how the people lose to us in the bargaining (Y)!

I really had so much fun in the thai trip that I still could not forget about it and people there. Without my dear friends, I could not enjoy so much too. We had so much fun in the hotel, so much laughter on every rides and knowing each other more. But, I really miss my parents and my mridiot so much during the trip! I didnt regret of going this building trip!

Happy 1 year anniversary my dear♥

1 year is not really that long but there are too much memories of us in this whole year- the good ones and the bad ones. This is a relationship that I felt so real, so true and so loved. Thankyou for all you have done and always be there when i needed you the most!

School will be reopen in another 16 days, I can't wait for it to start and project brief thrown to us. I miss school, I miss my friends and I miss doing those irritating assignments. I have spent my holiday fruitfully, it's enough for me.

Chalet at kampung hut

Shopping with the girls

Rotting at home

Birthday celebrations

26/9-29/9 overseas trip to hongkong with parents

2/10-9/10 building trip to thailand

12/10-14/10 Chalet with the girls and sdc chalet

Packing and unpacking of luggage these few weeks and there's only 2 days interval after each trip. Busy much. Shall end it here. Gonna meet the Mr.Botak later on :P

I'm back to Singapore FINALLY!

Was so excited to go hongkong initially but it failed me. Shopping for the first two days were disappointed and tiring. I bought nothing, nothing seems to attract me! I went to ladys' street and temple street. It was the place where they said we can bargain and buy lots of things. But guess what, I bought nothing! It's all repeated goods, the clothes were old and the bags were fake. The people there were so rude that we keep getting scolded from them. If we dont intend to buy, we cannot touch. After bargaining, we have to buy. There's a angmoh that bargains with the shop owner and she won the bargain. But, she was scolded ' go die, fat pig' in Cantonese that the angmoh couldnt understand. I was so shocked when I heard that!

We decided to go to shopping malls but we bought nothing again! Everything was branded and not worth to buy! We became quite disappointed till we walked past a street randomly.... The whole streets are selling clothes and shoes! (Y) This makes my trip fruitful! 4 pairs of shoes, 15-20 clothes, a watch, food, and other small small stuff! We brought 2 big luggage that are not full but we came back with 2 big full luggage, 1 small full luggage and 3 hand carriers! (Y) Dad said that we spent 4-5k sing dollars in 4 days! wow!

On the 3rd day of my trip, we experienced typhoon in the evening and we decided to have our dinner and rush back to the hotel. It was no.4 typhoon and there's only strong wind and rain. However, when we saw people rushing back, we did the same. I was so reluctant to go home because i have not buy enough stuff! The next morning, we watched the news and realised that no.8 typhoon occurs when we were sleeping. No.8 was the highest it can get! Building collapsed, trees fall, ships spoilt, ship crashing to the buildings. But, i was sleeping soundly! But, the bad thing is that, all shops were closed! no cars on road! And how am I going to shop?!! There's still typhoon occurring the city but we decided to try our luck. There's only food stalls which is open and all store owners told us that it is impossible to find any other shops that is opened. I was quite stubborn to listen to them and force my parents to continue walking down the street. And TA-DA! the street that i mentioned just now was opened. Although there was only a few stalls that were opened, i managed to buy alot of stuff and able to get presents for some people! Had the mindset of going back empty handed but luckily, when there's a will, there's a way!

I hate the flight the most when my bro loves it. I hate the pressure when the flight is taking off and landing. Okay, I'm scare! LOL! I was rolled up like a ball, holding my mum's arm tightly whenever i experienced it. In 2 days time, I'm going thai, taking flight and experiencing the same thing again! oh noooo..!

Oh yes! I didnt mention this! I met wilson and melissa at hk!! what a coincidence! We stayed in the same hotel and went to the same 1-day tour! (Y)

There's so much to say about this hk trip. There are fun and disappointment throughout the whole journey! Photos have been uploaded in fb and I shall continue unpacking stuff already! bye!!

Had my 19th birthday celebration on two different days, different venues and different group of friends. Thanks for the planning, presents and greetings!

Too lazy to type out all the details and I just want to thank you guys for that.

Hmm.. It hasnt been good for me these few days if you have noticed. Maybe I expected too much but I have also understand alot of stuff. What you have done to others, they might not be giving you the same in return. However, I have not regretted doing those things because I did it with my heart and soul. Just feeling a little disappointed and I shall not say much on this. Yes, one of the reason why i'm not happy is because I couldnt celebrate with my dear bf. I really miss him so much! But, it's ok :) I'm gonna play with his botak head on friday! :)

Went St James powerhouse with Pekfeei yesterday after the celebration. My parents were there to celebrate my dad's manager's bday! Wanted to take a look how clubs were like and the curious pekfeei tagged along. We were like 2 mountain tortoise standing in the middle of the place looking at the surroundings and how people dance. We also concluded that club wasnt that hectic or dangerous afterall. Or maybe because we didnt really go to the dance floor. Dear pekfeei came to my house and stay over again. My house is seriously her second home. I can remember how often she stayed over my house and wore my clothes. I even keep her toothbrush in my toilet so she can use it anytime she came. It was 3.30am when we reached home and she wanted to wake me up at 8am. And i have to accompany her for breakfast and sending her off. Damn! We were both lying on the bed and started recovering all our memories we had in our secondary school life. So childish, so funny and so memorable. Time passes so fast and we got tired at 6. We decided to nap for 2 hours but.... We both didnt woke up at 8. Instead, she woke me up at 12+ (Y).

I love gossiping, I love heart to heart talks and I really miss all my friends:)

Couldnt upload photos so just be it~

Have been hanging out with miss belley these two days and I kinda love it! We went shopping yesterday, from bugis to vivo. She made me wait about 2 hours at bugis alone! I feel so weird alone there with my empty stomach! Therefore, I decided to get a drink and sit at a corner. Then, I started to observe everyone who walked past me and of course I've got lots of comments for them. I shall keep that to myself :) Sitting alone there also made me think of alot of things. Things that I regretted doing and things that I regret not doing. However, that were all the past. Be myself. But, I have forgotten what's my true self! Belle has told me her story with her ex. Her bf went NS the second month they got together. She hates her ex because she thinks that he has wasted her time waiting for him in NS and ended up like this. I felt pity for her as I understand how she feels. My phone was dead all of a sudden and I couldnt msg or receive calls from him. I felt so uneasy and guilty about it. I really have to thank belle for her understanding. As she got such a story, she didnt discourage me and didnt ask me not to wait or etc. However, she took the green line with me despite of not getting a seat when her feet were sore. She tried to squeeze into the packed train at JE instead of waiting for the next train. It's 10.10 and i'm only otw to BB. How am I going to reach home before 10.30 to give him a call?? But, when there's a will, there's a way! I reached home at 10.25!! I ran back home just for that 5 mins of call. Although running on street make me look weird, that 5 mins is really very important to me! really really important!

Today, woke up at 6 as I got a parttime job introduced by Belle. We were both extremely sleepy because we only got 2-3 hours of sleep due to our body clock. Took cab to her house and to parkway parade. The taxi fare was $43 but luckily, it can be claimed *wink* My job scope was to give out flyers and the working time was 7.30am- . Nearly 14hours but I was paid $8/hour (Y)! We were late and we need to bring the stuff to bedok point. I only started giving out flyers at 11.30. And yeah, from 7.30-11.30, I'm paid for it when I haven started working. Freaking good right? Because of the venue, there isnt any crowd and there isnt anyone interested with it. With no full timers or doctors there, the 3 of us decided to slack. Simply saying, we were paid to rot! 90% of our time were sitting down talking and playing with our phones. Though it's very slack, we were so tired and wanted to go home badly because that is really very very bored! We felt so sleepy and bored! Took cab home and yes, it can be claimed tooo ;)

http://just-onetime.tumblr.com/

I believe pictures speak a thousand words.

13 more days!

Life have been the same recently just that my heart feels so empty at times. I could not explain the feelings. Perhaps, I just miss him alot! Everyday i will check my phone if there's a random message from him. Every night I will hold onto my phone and bringing my phone with me to wherever I go. Be it if i'm on my sofa watching tv. My phone will still be held on my hand in case I missed the phone call. I guess I still couldn't adapt to the life like this. Have been spending almost everyday with him before NS and I need time to adapt it. However, this is nothing much compared to him. At least i still have my freedom, my space, my friends and my family. Therefore, I have hold back lots of whining and complains in order not to make him worry. Today, I just feel like blogging and tell you how much I miss you. I'm right here counting down for the 2 weeks to end, 13 more days for me to look at your botak hairstyle! :)

I was touched by all the concerns I have received especially liqi weekiat and co. Don't worry, I'm fine:)

I want to go out everyday with anyone. Be it if it's only going to school. I dont want to rot at home and waste my day, thinking of stupid stuff.

Mooncake/lantern festival on monday and will be meeting angela and co. Have not been meeting them for quite some time. And yes, I have been eating mooncakes for breakfast and lunch recently.

I want shopping, that craving is coming back to me! Going Bugis with MissBelle on tuesday. It has been so long since I last met her!

Interaction camp will be coming up next. Although all the stuff are still in a mess right now, i'm still looking forward to it as it is the first camp held outside of school. It's also because of that, we are facing so much problems. Dam!

I don't know if this is still the same. Putting all the negative things aside, putting all the unhappiness aside. Let's get back to how we are and used to be. I love this. Every single friend make a part of my life. Holding on to every single memories you guys gave to me. I'm sorry that I might have neglected you guys. But just to say, I'm still here, right here by your side!

My dear boyfriend is going NS on Wed. It seems to me like he's not going to come back anymore. That feeling really sucks! I want to spend more time with him but that's not possible. I'm only left with tomorrow. He's going to lose his freedom soon and I know that he's not happy about it! That 2 years will past very fast ! believe it. I'm right here waiting for you to get back your freedom!

A post before I go to bed.

The emo-ness is still overwhelming me.

I'm so tired. So so tired.

What are these changes for?

Was it too late? was it worthless? was it not enough?

Why do I see......................

I breakdown again, halfway through typing and got no idea how to continue.

Am i doing all these to appreciate others or myself?

Idk if I have changed for the better but i definitely know that i did more than i used to.

Shouldnt I appreciate others more than myself?

When everyone is happy, I will be happy too.

To me, this is life. It's never yourself.

Lost of words. I shall stop here!

Those words were stuck in my mind.

I know those aren't harsh words but what you really think inside.

I know and I accepted it but I really can't change.

How I wish I could just open my mouth and say something that is pleasant but I just couldn't.

Words that are pleasant just couldn't came out of my mouth and were all stuck in my mind.

I know more than anyone else that I need a change but I feel so helpless whenever I wanted to..

Not right not right!.

Everything just seems so not right.

I need to change and yes, it has proven that I really need a change.

But how. This is just me. I need a long time to change, it's not easy at all.

What's inside me, who's inside me. I need to know.

That feeling sucks.

I dont even know who am I, what to change and how to change.

All I know is just change for the better.

BETTER!

It takes a second to change yesterday to today, how long do i need to change myself to a better self?!

SUcks sucks sucks!

Some songs just speak all your emotions out as words are harder to be explained.

The feelings are still disturbing me and I can't get rid of it.

Met up with Pf, Larry, Zw, Jab and Cj.

They are the one who I spent my 5 years in secondary school with.

They might not be the one whom i pour my troubles to, they might not be the one who understand me the most.

But, they are the ones i enjoyed with!

The 5 years of friendship we have built up cannot be compared because we had experience so much things in that 5years!

As usual, i'm always bullied by them but, i enjoyed it:)

Holiday is the time we can only meet because we were all in different school and course. We hardly get to meet up.

Though I might have drifted away from you guys but dont worry, I'm back.

You guys are not forgotten.

Still my good friends, always be!

These emotional nights, I cant stand it anymore.

I can't explain what am i brooding about, what am I stress about.

Just like what JX said, ' the feeling of NotGoodEnough!'

Life, Love, Work, School, Future, Friends, Myself etc..

It's filled in my mind that is cant stop brooding about!

I really need to do something to prove that I can do it but it's just the confident i need in order to push myself.!

I need to convince everyone and including myself that I am good.

I dont want to be the one who is always hiding behind someone else anymore.

I dont want others to look down on me.

I know I can do it but what's stopping me?!

Recently, smoking and drinking were stuck in my mind that I really feel like trying. Those are what I hate the most in my life. It's not so much of smoking, just curious what's so good about it that the close ones around me are touching it. For drinking, I'm really tempted. I want to know how I behave when I'm drunk. I want to get high so that I can stop thinking about stuff for that moment. However, I know that these couldnt solve anything that I'm troubled right not. And i know I wont feel good either.

Life is really tough when you got into too much things, when you got older, when you care too much and when you think too much!

Anyway, I really thanks JX for listening to me these few days though he has his own problem too! :)

Needtodosomething!

I got so affected each time I know something about you. I'm not jealous but I felt so unfair! Unfair not because I dont have but what you did is not known by others. Will you be happy after all? do you think that you gave a 100%? Do you think that it's worth it? I don't mind of you learning but are you really learning? Do you even know what was that and how you got that? You made me look down on you! So please, dont whine, dont complain because, you got so much benefits than us!

I got so much to say just now but I think i've cool down!

I cant get myself relax these few days. I so troubled with what I've done and what I've not. Ever since the release of grades for the previous submission, I got demoralized badly! Whenever I went for consultation, Kelly would tell me ' you are there, keep doing'. When you me i'm there, I dont know what to improve but just keep finishing what i should. In the end, what I've just got was a straight b. This shows that my stuff were not really there yet. And now, the refinement, I got not much changes and we there's nothing much i can change because the submission is already ongoing. My concept were not strong, autocad were not detailed and i'm freaking worried for my walkthrough now! Tell me, what can I do to improve! I dont want to just finish what im supposed to! I want an improvement because, B is not what i want. This really will affect my GPA alot.

Yes, the learning process is the most important part of learning. However, what's important to our life is grades! I need good grades, i need a high GPA, I want to go uni and of course a good future.

Right now, I can feel that i'm almost giving up on what i'm doing. But on the other hand, I cant bear to let it go. I'm still holding on. I need to do something to pull up my grades but it's too late. I'm just left with autocad, journal and walk through! As for autocad, Kelly has never care much about our detailing. This make me worried alot . Walkthrough is really stressing me! They just spend a couple of hours teaching us and yet, they just taught us briefly. How can we do it on our own when everything was so brief?!

The last submission I got all B and now, the criteria will definitely be higher. How am I going to score?!!!!!

This really affect me badly recently!

So many days have past, it seems like my body cannot take it soon. I tried so hard to stay awake and the feeling was not good at all. We have got our submission extend but it doesnt mean we have more time. For those who are slower, it benefits them because they will be able to submit a full submission. However, that's not enough. When everybody has the full submission, what we are competing is the quality. And yes, I take this submission seriously. Or I can say I treat all submission seriously. I need to at least maintain my GPA but after this afternoon, I lost all my confident. I got all Bs for my last submission. Though I felt that I didnt do well, I'm still very disappointed. This will drag down my GPA!! What's worse is that, I felt so unfair because of..........

Submission is over and I cant wait for my critique to be over too! Critique on this coming tuesday and I'm all prepared for negative comments. There's nothing in this submission that I'm satisfied with. None! All the work were all rushed out. There isnt any quality work! SIGH!

The whole of last week I only slept 2-3hours per day. On the third day onward, I felt so shag and sleepy but when I decided to take a nap, I couldnt sleep at all. Whenever I took my nap, I will still be thinking and worried that i couldnt finish it on time. Every minute, every hour is so important to me. At the end, I managed to submit a full submission and of course I'm not happy about it. Like I said, nothing could really satisfied me!

Let the past be the past.. I cant wait for t2c to come! But before that, here's our 1 week of critique week.

Our payback for losing so much sleep ^^

However, that 1 week seems so short! The whole of 1 week was packed with activities already! It will be better if there isnt CRS and TOD lesson! :)

Tomorrow I'm going www with angela and gang. egggg-cited much :)))!

So many unwanted stress right now! I got confident in finishing the work I have to do but it's more than that. I want to do well, I want to do more than what I can! At least when I didnt do well, I know I've tried my best!

Today, I felt so tired and moody. Took out all my materials for model making but I got no feel at all! I cannot do it in this state, nothing good will comes out from it!

I feel so bad to spoil your plan right now! I'm really very sorry. I dont know what to do now...

Argh~!!!

Argh!! After hearing about you planning surprises to give me, I suddenly feel so happy and sad! Happy because you actually planned but sad because I couldnt meet you..

Back to blogging? Miss me? I know you guys definitely did! :p

First day of school, everything was still the same! sitting in class, wasting time just to wait for consultation! Have been slacking throughout the whole holiday and nothing was done! I know that I still have time to finish up everything but will I produce something good? Hmm.. everyone's progress was quite fast so right now, I must really start my engine! From the start of this project, everything seems slow to us. All the instructions and stuff were too brief and slow. Have been calculating my GPA since last term. In order to get a 3.8 at the end of year3, I need to get 3.9 and abv! WOW! That impossible for me as I know my limit. I really wonder what I will become when i grow up. Will I be a successful one? Career to me is something very important because that's what you need if you want to lead a good life. And so, here comes studies. Right now I'm still procrastinating, thinking that I can do more tomorrow and sleep early tonight. Can I?

Now, I'm feeling so sick. Have been coughing for the past few days and I'm having a headache right now. My parents keep asking me to drink some cough medicine but I refused. I didnt take my diet into consideration too. SPicy food, heaty stuff, cold drinks and etc. Serve me right for coughing like this? hahaha!

Mothers' day is over and half of my weekly allowance is gone! :(

Wanted to get my mum a present but because of the lizard that is hiding in my room, I didnt got the chance to buy it on sat. Sorry mum!

Lets me just update you with my life recently!

Hmmm.. to me, school has started for 3 weeks but design school hasnt. Although there are some assignments for us, we are still feeling quite slack. My weekends used to be the day I do my work so a chance to rest. But now, my weekends were spent enjoying my life, slacking and finding things to do. Last thursday, our major project has just started but the task is just take and print photos. It's a whole sem project and I'm looking forward to it :):)

Lizard! Oh yes. Friday night, that idiotic lizard dropped down from the ceiling and crawl underneath my bed. I couldnt find it after that. I wasnt afraid of lizards but I felt that it's disgusting and I dont want it to crawl around me when I'm sleeping!! So yea, the only way is to spam insecticide and close the door! My mum said that she will catch it for me the next day. Fortunately, my bro went for canoe camp and I got his room muahahha!

Received the news of the listing for main comm and yes I was posted to the comm I opted! #happy:)

Sat were spent cleaning the entire room and thanks mum for helping. I tidy up all the drawers I have in my room and neatly. BUT THE MAIN THING IS THE LIZARD!! It's no where to be found! I got no idea where can it go to. The worse scenario is that one day when I was digging my bag for something, and I dig out that lizard. OMG! Hmm.. was packing my wardrobe halfway and got tired so I dumped all the unfolded clothes on my bed. Papa wanted to go for shopping because the weather is really killing us! Decided to go marina square for dinner because that is the place we thought that it wasnt crowded. Going out with my parents is really good! Normally if I go out with them without objective, it will just purely window shopping. So yesterday, I targeted at some of the shops first and I lead the way :)! Shopping is always woman's stuff and the guy is always the one paying! Sooooo, yes! My papa is the one paying for both mine and my mum's expenses. He bought nothing! Wanted to buy similar watch with my mum but we decided not to. We only shopped for awhile because our main objective is just dinner. How can I go home without buying anything? HA HA HA! I'm sorry dad but I didnt get to shop with you guys that often! I brought them to topshop! Bought a dress and jacket and spent $100+. opps! My mum likes the dress and I like the jacket!! ;) There's so many restaurant at marina square and we had a hard time deciding. I suggested to dine at HK cafe because I think that suits their likings. I'm right! They signed up a membership card for me as they know that I always visit the restaurant.

Stayed up late because of the election. I shall not say much about it cos I'm not really interested. Everyone was so active at fb and twitter. So am i. Although I stayed up late, i wasnt really watching. Most of the time, my eyes were at my laptop. 5 years later when it's our turn to vote, I'm not interested about who to vote but how much I'm given $.$

We wanted to celebrate mothers' day in the morning but I couldnt wake up :X The time I woke up its already lunch so we decided to wait for my beloved brother to come home from camp. Papa was kinda lazy to travel so we have to think of places nearer for dining. There isnt much restaurant I could say. We ended up at swensens because most of the restaurants were having long queues. My bro and I shared the bills, treating it as a mothers' day gift. Papa wanted to pay but we refused. However, i felt heartache but nehmind~! Its worth it.

Hmm.. i guessed i have to stop here! Papa mama wo ai ni!! :):) my bro.... since I used his bed for these 2 days and he didnt say anything. Mian qiang yi xia bah! ♥

This blog is so deaddddddddd! I'm so so so lazy to blog.

Recently, we are complaining how slack we were since the school reopen. Although we have work to do, the submission date was in 2 weeks time. This make me slow down my working pace. I don't like it this way because we will become lazier and it's really hard for us to start our 'motor'. When major project is thrown to us, that's when we suffer.

Sometimes I wanted to lock all my blog, tumblr or facebook if I can. I don't like to let others read about my stuff. Is is because whenever I'm emotional, I tend to spam lots of stuff. I'm afraid they might get irritated of it. Or even got the wrong idea of what I'm going to say. But sometimes, I really can't keep everything to myself anymore. That's why i blog or post.

There's really these changes aren't it? I really don't know is it just me. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. I really hate this side of me. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to stay positive and I wanted to explain for everything but I realised, I've lose control of it.

These few nights I've been quite emotional that I couldnt stand it anymore. I want to let all these stop here but can I?

I really dont know how to describe the feelings. Maybe it's a mixed feelings. Every words, every hugs, there's a weird emotional coming out from me. I feel like crying.

There's nothing happen but I just felt this way. I"ve tried but I've failed to overcome myself. I tears and I fell asleep last night.

I really need some help here but I couldnt tell anyone about it. Not really cant but I dont want.

I question myself but I can't answer. Nobody can.

Maybe it's time to let everything out, to myself, in my room, under my blanket, alone.

This is so familiar

Camp has ended and I really missed it. The 4 days past so quickly that I didnt have the chance to enjoy. Some thinks that the camp was awesome but we all know it wasnt. There's so much unhappiness in us that we didnt have the chance to say it out. I wish I have the guts to say out all my feelings but sadly, I dont have. I guess I care too much of the consequences or maybe I know how it will be ended with. It's not that I didnt try, perhaps I did. It just ended up being worse. There's so much to say but I couldnt bring it up with words. Gained and lost. This is what I experienced these few weeks.

I didnt enjoy but I felt that it was successful because campers really walk out with a smile:)

The past is the past. I will not think about it anymore but I will remember all these that happen.

My target for this Sem's GPA is just improve from the previous sem. I did improve but why am I not happy? After viewing it with Sam and angela today, I didnt felt happy for that. I think I can do better than that. On the other hand, i wasnt upset too because it hits my target.

I felt extremely happy that my friends did well this sem! I will catch up with you guys de! :)

For those who didnt do well, dont be too sad as long as you work hard :) wo men yi qi jiayou!

These few weeks have been going back to school. Went back to school everyday at 10am this week and I really need some slp:( Tomorrow is the day we pull in more campers again! Hmm! lets hope everything goes well:)

Although I have been going back to school everyday, i'm still ok with it. Rather than staying at home doing nothing, I want to spend it with my friends. No matter where we are!

The few of us are turning into housewives soon. What we have been doing and will be doing are printing shirts, ironing shirts, folding shirts, packing clubhouse, sewing dresses and going giant to buy stuff. We really had lots of fun doing all these although we got tons of whining!

Camp is getting nearer and nearer. I could remember few months back when we were still thinking what position we will be in the FOC. And here it is, the camp we have been planning is going to be execute in 3 days time! Excited much :):)

I wonder if things we have done are appreciated and I hope it do. We are helping and making everything happen. Please show some appreciation for it !

Something is wrong with my appetite these few days.

I've been eating lesser and lesser each day. I'm not someone who can eat a lot but to finish a meal, I'm able to finish it. But these few days, I cant finish a meal. The worse thing is that I can have just only 1 meal for a day. I felt hungry but I just got no appetite.

I've tried to control but I've failed.

I'm just too tired to do anything right now. So, I will be going to bed soon!

Hey yo!

Just came back from Sentosa and its a really last min outing.

Sentosa is a place I wouldnt get bored with. Provided everyone is in the spirit of playing.

This morning, we thought that we wouldnt have fun because of the weather. Its raining heavily when we reached vivo. However, the rain stopped when everyone was gathered. The number of people coming was rather disappointing but we continue with our plan. Wanted to get those inactive committees to be bonded with us. But those who really want them to come, they were not present. As usual, I get sunburn and injuries at the end of the day. I dont know why I'm always the reddest among the rest and I dont like it. People will be looking at my face and say, wah so red. Face, you are really attention seeker :X

See this? bruises all over it. Sigh.

Lastly, thanks steph for bringing your skates although it's really heavy. Appreciated :)

Why cant we compromise?

I really cant think of something which we can do it indoor. So many times we meet up for lunch and after that we got nothing to do. And here I am , having a big group gathering. What can we do? Watch movie? pool? Just one time.

It really prove that we will lost touch after separating. I keep telling myself we wont but we did.

Yes, it can still go on despite there's only 5 people attending. But that's not the point of creating an event, inviting 20+ people. 5 out of 20+? This number has already dampen my mood of organising this event. Other than ly, its all guys. Its always like this. Everytime my mum ask why so few girls, I cant answer. During CNY when my poly friends ask, why is it all guys, I cant answer.

I always said that I wont organise any event anymore but I always failed to do so. If I really stop doing that, I dont know how far will we be drifted.

Right now, I'm gonna say this again, the mindset of having a gathering is gone. I'm sick of organising events. Seriously, I dont know what am I doing all these for.

It really took me some time to post this and i'm not pointing at anybody

This is what we have been doing yesterday; doing banner and tshirts.

A very tiring job because we have repeat the action of standing up and sitting down.

We complains and whine about how tired we were but the process we did enjoy.

We sing and joke while we were doing it. The whole room was like ours. We don't care how unglam we were when doing all these.

All these weren't told to do but we did it. Shirt as an identity and it also leave a memory of what we have participated in. And the banner, I think it serves more purpose than any other decoration. At least when you step into the place, it tells you, you are at the campnival? Idk. Its just what I think. At the end of the day, we were happy despite of the tiredness right? If not, we wont have want to take photos of it.

Foc:

Stephanie, dont give up. I know you were just saying and you wont do it but please do not have the mindset. I guess no one wants the event to be scrapped off. You were carrying a huge burden right now and were stress at times. No matter how heavy it is, you are not alone, we are here to share the burden with you. You dont need to carry everything by yourself. Dont feel sian, we are halfway through everything and we can break through the obstacles we are facing :)

For the committee, lets all do our part and have a success foc this year alright? Lets make it a memorable one!

Universal Studio.

All I could say was the $66 ticket really worth for the first comer. Went USS today with Angela, Xiaoshi and cindy. We bought tickets from someone which worth only $60 and I think his act was illegal. But anw, we saved $6 from there:)

The new roller coaster is really awesome. I was hesitating whether to take it or not because I'm really afraid of heights and speed. In the end, I took the red one. Firstly, the ride was really fast. I felt as if im dropping down from mid air when its going downwards. The pressure was so strong that i couldnt move my body or head. I wanted to shout and scream but i cant. It's like something stuck in between your throat. However, the feeling was really good (Y).

All the rides are worth trying but it is quite limited as they were still building new things. All the animations in there were really awesome. The movie theatre which let us experience the scene of hurricane. The shriek 4D animation was cool too! Imagine the movie was showing someone sneezing and the chair infront of you, spraying water on your face. It's like the character in the movie sneezing on your face!

When you step into the place, you really feel as if you are no longer in singapore. The weather and surroundings were really different. The most impt thing is that, you cant see any HDB flats around. We snapped a lot of photos in a day which I think Angela and cindy will post on fb soon.

The whole day, we spent around $100 and I think its worth it:) Except for those who are going the second or third time because the things there are not new to you anymore.

To sum up the whole day, tiring and fun! :) I enjoyed to the fullest :):):)

I'm feeling so shag since yesterday night. I cant sleep, my mind cant stop thinking. Dont know what am I thinking about but I know it's not resting. It's like, half asleep. Waking up every 2-3 hours and headache is killing me in between. When I wanted some panadol, I cant make myself to the kitchen because im still half awake. I woke up after my alarm clock rang and I'm suffering from headache. Tonight, I want to sleep early!

The holiday that you have no work to worry about is finally here. However, I still felt uncomfortable when I dont have to worry about anything. Every saturday, I will wake at 11+ to watch the show I've been watching. But after the show, I will stay in my room and start doing my work. But now, I sat on the sofa without having to think about my work when watching tv. Its kinda weird. I dont want waste my holiday by rotting everyday although sometimes I do like the feeling of rotting. Boredom is killing me.

But I also wish, time passed slower :):)

I have decided not to delete this blog.

Today is not my day, I felt so unlucky throughout the whole day. I went to school for printing and decided to go for book binding at chinese garden. It was the shop that Stephanie did her book binding too. However, when we ask for book binding, the shop owner told us that there is only ring bind. WTH!! I guess she doesnt want to do book binding for a5 papers. We headed off to JP for metal ring binding because we felt that plastic binding is not very nice. After waiting for 20mins, we went back to collect and guess what? They bind the wrong side! The last page becomes the first one. They asked me to print again and doesnt charge me for wrong one. BUT BUT BUT, going back school is just so troublesome. They suggested that they cut away the side that they bind and see if its ok. It turns out to be ok for me. Just that the words are too close to the edge. After consideration, I decided to just get along with it. They didnt charge me for the binding as apology. Went home after that. I have been going home earlier and earlier which I'm not used to it. Walked home from interchange and~~~~~~ it started raining! (Y) what's wrong~

finally finally! Im having a holiday that I didnt have to think of any work! Im looking forward to rotting at home, watching tv and finding people to go out because of boredom! I really miss all these things. Please, dont let the time passed too fast. I want to enjoy soooo much! :)

Blog moved! :)

http://.tumblr.com

Down with fever because of my gum I guess..

How many more bad things will happen? Just let all happen on this day and mark it as what people call it valentines day.

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.

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I'm sorry.. I lost control of myself again.

Tonight, I shall not go into facebook!

Woke up and felt that my gum hurts even more. I cant close my mouth because it seems that there's something stuck there. It hurts whenever I open or close my mouth. It even hurts when I swallow my saliva. I'm so worried for friday's critique because I cant really talk well right now. My mum told me to bear with the pain for a few days but its really hard. I cant control my tears because of the pain. I cant eat, I cant drink.. It's torturing!

Right now, I have to stop crying. I dont like myself crying but I just cant control. I'll be ok, everything will be ok.

I dont like blogging but I dont wanna spam my fb and irritate others. I woke up with my eyes swollen and my gum hurts like mad. I've got no idea why is it so. I told myself I have to get over what happen yesterday but it's hard. My tears still rolls down whenever I think about it. This is the time when my heart hurts terribly. What can I say, it's only hurt, hurt and hurt!

Sadness. Anger

Happy Valentine day!

All I can say is that this is the worse valentine day I've been through my whole entire life. Be it if I'm with my love ones or not. Suddenly, I felt the loneliness.

It is a normal day which people mark it as valentine day. A day to actually spend with your love ones, your bf/gf, your good friends or even family members. This day means to me because of the mood whereby people are celebrating it together in a day.

Today, I really feel like crying and I'm crying but there isn't any tears.

Sum up (Y)

Yesterday I brought everything for submission yet I don't feel that its submission day. Maybe this day came too fast, maybe this day was too tiring. All i felt was tired, I really need to sleep badly. On the way there, I was so paranoid that I keep thinking what else have I not bring. It should be a happy day for all of us but I just cant have that mood. My mood was dampen even more when I'm worried about something. Time passed soooo fast, our year one poly life is ending soon. Freshmen orientation was like few days ago. Nevertheless, the year was tiring but I've enjoyed pretty much. New life, new experience.

Despite of how sleepy everyone was, we continue with our plans. We were thinking about going home to sleep but there's something more important to do. Its worth it I think. My mum and bro were staring at me when I reached home. They were looking at how sleepy I am and seeing if I'm happy about the submission. I went into my room, looking at my bed and doing something crazy. I started rolling my my bed :X

Later on, my poly and sec friends are coming my house to bai nian. (excited!:)) mama didnt go to work because of this. Thx mama for going to the market so early to prepare food! Lets enjoy this 2 days! :)

FINALLY:)

Lets have a post before I prepare myself for the submission later.

Yes, I think everyone will be very happy because this day has finally come! This was only the first submission but this is the major one. Few weeks of insufficient sleep, finally we can sum up everything today. The past few weeks, we all have been sleeping for 2-3 hours per day. As we all know that this is crazy, this is unhealthy, this is impossible. We made it.

My parents were used to this after the second week. They no longer nag me to bed, they no longer ask me what time I'm gonna sleep. We had the same routine almost everyday. Left school at 10+, bathe, nap for 2 hours and start working till the next morning. There's no much of perseverance these few days. Waking up at 1+, feeling so sleepy but still have to wake up. Without the perseverance, I will be sleeping till the next day alrd. When I think of what to do for that day, I no longer care about my sleep. I used to think that I will work till the time when I still have 8hrs of sleep. We calculate our time till the next morning and do as much things at night.

Right now, I can feel that my body really needs to recharge. Last night I thought I could sleep early but end up I didnt even take my nap. Feeling so sleepy and tired but I'm still excited for the submission later on.

Although we complain and whine, we've actually used to this life we are having. And of course, what we are waiting for is the feeling we all have now; the feeling of accomplishment! Next, i cant wait to know my result (LOL) . I must achieve my target this time round! But before that, critique! :(:(

Lost

I'm lost

I'm speechless

I'm sad

I'm afraid

Things get so complicated

I'm really speechless, I dont know what to say anymore

It just doesn't feels right

Today was a fun day as I went back to BPGHS with some of my friends. Spent a long time talking to mrlim (art teacher). He didnt change, he's still as naggy as what he used to be in the past. We waited for him from 9+ to 2+ and finally I had my breakfast. The last meal I had was yesterday's lunch which is 12pm. From this, you can actualy know how hungry I was. Shops were mostly close due to the festival so we had newyork newyork. It's suppose to be a treat for mrlim but end up he paid the bill. $177+!

Went to my ahgong house carrying my laptop. Everytime, every year, as long as there's gathering, we will be gambling. But today before they start playing, I on my laptop and most of them was surprised by it. No one could actually understand why am I doing it. Personally, i'm so reluctant to do my work during festivals but there isnt a choice. I have to get it done by monday. What they said was , "get a life", " dont do, there's still time", "dont be so stress, just relax a little". After hearing all these, i felt rather pissed but I understand because they didnt actually know our school stuff.

My cousin bought her dog along and she's so cute. She stick to me wherever I go. The dog was so obedient and sticky which is so unlike from my dog. She lets you carry her, sit on your thighs when you sat down and she really likes cuddling around you. This is the type of dog which you wouldnt bear to leave her. While carrying her, it really brings back a lot of memories of my dog. I become very emotional and I hold back my tears. I really miss carrying my dog and play with him like what I always do.

My cousins came to my house for mahjong but there's a weird number of people playing. Therefore, we have to take turns which I dont like because that's so sian for me. My parents wanted me to sleep early tonight as tomorrow will be a long day for us. 3 places to go tomorrow which probably ends very late tomorrow. Now, i shall be a good girl and go to bed!

Goodnight people and have a happy chinese new year! :)

everything doesnt seems alright. i can feel it. I've got a bad feeling, a very very bad one.

Why is it today?

I'm so tired and sleepy. Yesterday reached home, took 2hrs of nap and I do my work all the way. After doing so much, there's still a lot left behind. I dont know why but I'm just so tired today. I'm sorry to my friends because I know that my mood wasnt good. We were told to finish everything by monday which means I have to think of my work while enjoying cny. Can I still enjoy it in the first place? I would rather my submission is before cny. I will push myself even harder and finish it so that I can enjoy my cny as much as I can. I'm really really really very tired right now. And, I've decided not to do anything today. I will skip my dinner and sleep after i post this!

I dont know why but it always falls on these days. Why? I'm so tired physically and mentally right now. I dont know what to do, I dont know what's wrong. Was it so important? Why dont you understand me a little? I know. I'm sorry!

These two days I'm really enjoying my life. I tried so hard not to think of work but its quite impossible. I felt so guilty for slacking but I told myself, it's time to get some rest. Whenever submission is getting nearer, I get so stress up. I've never stop thinking how to make it better but at the same time, I'm so afraid to touch it. What if I screw it? If only life has the ctrl-z button, I will never be afraid to do anything. Just press it and everything will be undo. Isnt it good?

Here comes the weekend. Today, I'm going to make up for my parents for what I have not been doing the past weeks. My weekends were either used to do work or shopping for with friends. Everyday when I reached home, I went straight to bathe and sleep. The past 5 days, I have not seen or talk to my dad because he was sleeping when I reached home. My mum showered me with all her concern by preparing food for me to stay overnight and also tolerate my temper towards her. I didn't mean to be rude but i just couldn't control. I'm sorry. I'm going to tidy up my room abit so that my dad can fix the new curtain up. My room was messed up terribly by me for the past two weeks. And I know, it will be mess up again as I have not finish with my work. There's so much things I've neglected all these days. And, I'm really sorry. I will try to make up with it one by one slowly. There's no priority in my dictionary. I do what I think is important at that time and it doesnt mean that it wasnt important when I do nothing to it. I dont know if I'm doing it the right way. I will try to balance but I know it will not be balanced!

I'm sorry. Please have some patience with me.

623917

Shag

This will be a short post for tonight because I'm too tired!

Another week of sleepless night has past. However, I felt that it wasn't as productive as the previous week. I overslept the napping time, I stoned and I drift away when I was doing my work. Today, I really felt so sleepy. The feeling was so different from those previous nights. Perhaps, it's because stress was relieved after submission. Just after submission, we have things to rush again. This is like a cycle and I will not do anything tonight. Mind wasn't functioning, falling sick and I felt as if my soul has gone to bed. (LOL) I told myself, its time to sleep, time to get back all my energy in order to be productive next week. I'm not sure if I could enjoy CNY next week. This is the first time I wasn't excited for it. And I know, my parents will definitely stop me from doing my work.

Hmm.. we shall see!

Yesterday I went shopping with Angela. At first I thought I was wasting my time because I only bought 1 top. But luckily when we decided to go home, I found a shoe that I like. And that was my motive of going shopping. Trying to persuade myself not to do any work for the night because weekends are meant for me to recharge.

Today, I need to go pray because my mum said that I must. Its something to do with the clashing of zodiac and I have to return or something de. After that, they planned to go Jp because my bro haven finish shopping for his cny clothes. Initially, I didnt plan to go and no matter how they persuade me, I refused. But after some thoughts, I decided to tag along. I find that I haven been spending time with them for weeks. Thinking that I will reach home by 2pm but I was wrong. I reached home at 5-6 pm instead.

And yes, i got this 1hr ago. Before that, I was telling my bro that I got a feeling I will cut myself today. In 30 mins time, *TADA!* I got this. This time round, its quite deep and you can see, the skin is splitting off. haha!

Finally I 've a little mood for CNY. Maybe its because of the time spent today with my family, talking about it. Right now, I really have to do even faster. Rushing out everything so that I can enjoy abit during CNY period. My dad said that if i'm not going msia, they are not going too. I know they wanted to go badly and everything was planned 1 month ago. This is a burden to me but also a way to push myself harder and work faster. Because, I dont wanna disappoint them!

Lets sum up the week!

This week was so fast. Its over!

I cant imagine I've been through this stressful week. Other than yesterday, I have been sleeping for less than 3 hours each day. Yesterday I was so guilty for sleeping 5 hours. I wanted to take a nap and continue with my work. However, I overslept! I know 5 hours is already not enough for a person. But for me, I really have to sacrifice my sleep. To keep up with edmund's pace, to finish my work asap so that I have time to do other work and relax during CNY. Although I keep whining and whining, I do enjoy those moments. I'm not crazy but its true! The time when you want to sleep and you cant. The time when you forced yourself to wake up when your alarm rings. The moment when you see your msn contact, one by one went offline. The moment when you see the sky from darkness to daylight. The moment when you reached school with a high spirit. I felt sleepy but I'm motivated to do my work.

I had an argument with my parents yesterday. They kept telling me to sleep early. I know they care and was worried about me. But, I didnt sleep because I was doing my work, not wasting time. I really hope you guys can understand my work load and how important they are to me.

Now, my biggest fear was critique. We has a so called lecture with edmund today. He also pointed out our good and bad points. He said i was fast but i couldnt express my ideas well. i totally agree to what he said about not able to express myself. People who know me will agree to that too. We were also told to use 3 layers of technical card to build up our structure. I'm really facing problems now. My model was using folding method to build up. To have 3 layers, its quite impossible to use folding anymore. Furthermore, all my walls were slanted so if I do it separately, the workmanship will be affected.

I have neglected so many people around me. I'm really sorry! I hope to seek for your understanding! 623

Tomorrow will be another shopping trip with Angela as we havent finish buying all our cny stuff. We have decided to make it a short one. We will be going home after we have finish buying.

Now, I'm contemplating whether to do my work. I was sleepy and tired but I have the motivation to do it. How how how?

Taking a break

I'm currently resting my eyes and my finger. Taking a 10mins break from cutting. I have been using my penknife for the past 5 hour. Now, my index finger is so painful because of the blister. But, It's worth it just that I felt so guilty because..

From monday, I haven had enough sleep and I think my body clock has screwed up. Everyday when I reach home after school, I bathe and went for a 1-3 hours nap. After that, I spent my night doing my work all the way to the next morning and went to school straight. I'm so impressed with myself and this had last for 3 days. I dont know what keeps me so motivated but I think its a good thing for me. But, i dont know how long this will last because I can feel that my battery is running low. I get more and more tired each day. And yes, I have been watching the night turning into day; the sky from darkness becomes bright.

Coffee really dont help me in staying awake. I still sleepy after drinking it. These few days, I can see that my parents were worried about me. My mum brewed herbal tea for me everyday because she's afraid that I will fall sick. I wasnt in a good mood everyday when I reached home. When I reach home, all i want to do is to faster take a nap and continue doing my work. I'm so lazy to talk and I hope they understand. They checked on me before they sleep and before they went to work. I have been reaching home quite late recently so, I'm going to spend time with them during the weekends while doing my work.

The only bad thing about not having enough sleep is that, my mind isnt functioning! I get confused and I cant remember things well. Just like what happened yesterday morning. I charged my itouch but the switch wasnt switch on. My lesson was 11am but I thought it was 10am. I took a very long time to figure out what is my lesson. When i want to switch off the aircon, I walked to a switch instead. What's more, the switch wasnt use for anything. I left my house with my itouch and without my earpiece. I locked the door and put my key into my bag. But after awhile, I wanted to walk back to the door because I thought I didnt take my key. Yesterday morning was really in a mess..

Okay, i shall now go back to my work and update again tomorrow.

Lastly, Happy 18th bday Angela. It will a happy day for you!:)

Down down down

Another day of burning midnight oil but it wasnt as productive as the other time. I agree I'm always not satisfied with my work. This time round, I'm really not producing anything. Yes I did mockups but all those are equivalent to nothing. I cant see any wow factor, I cant make out something with concept. Its really nothing. Sometimes I really judge my ability. Can I even pass without any consultations? I wanted to nap for 30mins to rest my eyes but my mind is totally awake. I cant even fall asleep. Just now after school, me and stephanie were discussing about our personality. Its seems like there's a change in the both of us. She became who I used to be and I've became who she used to be. Certainly, Both of us felt that we happier with who we used to be. We want to find back ourselves.

Sometimes we are happy, we are sad, we are angry. There's so much emotions in us. Has anyone wonders if you have no feelings at all? Sometimes I wish I weren't born with feelings because sadness often take over happiness. So what if you were once happy? Sadness will take over it after some times and the level of your happiness eventually drops. Yes, you will become happy again. To me, all these were just a cycle that goes round and round. What's more, the impact of sadness is always bigger than happiness. I'm so tired with all these feelings and emotions.

You see, I'm currently feeling so low therefore I started ranting. My mind will be so negative. I cant think of anything that make me happy. However, i think of stuff that make me felt even more sad. Maybe its only me.

I couldnt figure out what's wrong. I always chose the path that i think was right and comfortable. Am I too selfish? Perhaps I am. I'm stubborn and its so hard to change the decision i've made. Sometimes, I dont understand why do I have to be like this too. Why do I complicate things when it's so simple?

I will change. Just give me some time to understand and what I really want from me, myself.