These two days I'm really enjoying my life. I tried so hard not to think of work but its quite impossible. I felt so guilty for slacking but I told myself, it's time to get some rest. Whenever submission is getting nearer, I get so stress up. I've never stop thinking how to make it better but at the same time, I'm so afraid to touch it. What if I screw it? If only life has the ctrl-z button, I will never be afraid to do anything. Just press it and everything will be undo. Isnt it good?

Here comes the weekend. Today, I'm going to make up for my parents for what I have not been doing the past weeks. My weekends were either used to do work or shopping for with friends. Everyday when I reached home, I went straight to bathe and sleep. The past 5 days, I have not seen or talk to my dad because he was sleeping when I reached home. My mum showered me with all her concern by preparing food for me to stay overnight and also tolerate my temper towards her. I didn't mean to be rude but i just couldn't control. I'm sorry. I'm going to tidy up my room abit so that my dad can fix the new curtain up. My room was messed up terribly by me for the past two weeks. And I know, it will be mess up again as I have not finish with my work. There's so much things I've neglected all these days. And, I'm really sorry. I will try to make up with it one by one slowly. There's no priority in my dictionary. I do what I think is important at that time and it doesnt mean that it wasnt important when I do nothing to it. I dont know if I'm doing it the right way. I will try to balance but I know it will not be balanced!

I'm sorry. Please have some patience with me.

623917

Shag

This will be a short post for tonight because I'm too tired!

Another week of sleepless night has past. However, I felt that it wasn't as productive as the previous week. I overslept the napping time, I stoned and I drift away when I was doing my work. Today, I really felt so sleepy. The feeling was so different from those previous nights. Perhaps, it's because stress was relieved after submission. Just after submission, we have things to rush again. This is like a cycle and I will not do anything tonight. Mind wasn't functioning, falling sick and I felt as if my soul has gone to bed. (LOL) I told myself, its time to sleep, time to get back all my energy in order to be productive next week. I'm not sure if I could enjoy CNY next week. This is the first time I wasn't excited for it. And I know, my parents will definitely stop me from doing my work.

Hmm.. we shall see!

Yesterday I went shopping with Angela. At first I thought I was wasting my time because I only bought 1 top. But luckily when we decided to go home, I found a shoe that I like. And that was my motive of going shopping. Trying to persuade myself not to do any work for the night because weekends are meant for me to recharge.

Today, I need to go pray because my mum said that I must. Its something to do with the clashing of zodiac and I have to return or something de. After that, they planned to go Jp because my bro haven finish shopping for his cny clothes. Initially, I didnt plan to go and no matter how they persuade me, I refused. But after some thoughts, I decided to tag along. I find that I haven been spending time with them for weeks. Thinking that I will reach home by 2pm but I was wrong. I reached home at 5-6 pm instead.

And yes, i got this 1hr ago. Before that, I was telling my bro that I got a feeling I will cut myself today. In 30 mins time, *TADA!* I got this. This time round, its quite deep and you can see, the skin is splitting off. haha!

Finally I 've a little mood for CNY. Maybe its because of the time spent today with my family, talking about it. Right now, I really have to do even faster. Rushing out everything so that I can enjoy abit during CNY period. My dad said that if i'm not going msia, they are not going too. I know they wanted to go badly and everything was planned 1 month ago. This is a burden to me but also a way to push myself harder and work faster. Because, I dont wanna disappoint them!

Lets sum up the week!

This week was so fast. Its over!

I cant imagine I've been through this stressful week. Other than yesterday, I have been sleeping for less than 3 hours each day. Yesterday I was so guilty for sleeping 5 hours. I wanted to take a nap and continue with my work. However, I overslept! I know 5 hours is already not enough for a person. But for me, I really have to sacrifice my sleep. To keep up with edmund's pace, to finish my work asap so that I have time to do other work and relax during CNY. Although I keep whining and whining, I do enjoy those moments. I'm not crazy but its true! The time when you want to sleep and you cant. The time when you forced yourself to wake up when your alarm rings. The moment when you see your msn contact, one by one went offline. The moment when you see the sky from darkness to daylight. The moment when you reached school with a high spirit. I felt sleepy but I'm motivated to do my work.

I had an argument with my parents yesterday. They kept telling me to sleep early. I know they care and was worried about me. But, I didnt sleep because I was doing my work, not wasting time. I really hope you guys can understand my work load and how important they are to me.

Now, my biggest fear was critique. We has a so called lecture with edmund today. He also pointed out our good and bad points. He said i was fast but i couldnt express my ideas well. i totally agree to what he said about not able to express myself. People who know me will agree to that too. We were also told to use 3 layers of technical card to build up our structure. I'm really facing problems now. My model was using folding method to build up. To have 3 layers, its quite impossible to use folding anymore. Furthermore, all my walls were slanted so if I do it separately, the workmanship will be affected.

I have neglected so many people around me. I'm really sorry! I hope to seek for your understanding! 623

Tomorrow will be another shopping trip with Angela as we havent finish buying all our cny stuff. We have decided to make it a short one. We will be going home after we have finish buying.

Now, I'm contemplating whether to do my work. I was sleepy and tired but I have the motivation to do it. How how how?

Taking a break

I'm currently resting my eyes and my finger. Taking a 10mins break from cutting. I have been using my penknife for the past 5 hour. Now, my index finger is so painful because of the blister. But, It's worth it just that I felt so guilty because..

From monday, I haven had enough sleep and I think my body clock has screwed up. Everyday when I reach home after school, I bathe and went for a 1-3 hours nap. After that, I spent my night doing my work all the way to the next morning and went to school straight. I'm so impressed with myself and this had last for 3 days. I dont know what keeps me so motivated but I think its a good thing for me. But, i dont know how long this will last because I can feel that my battery is running low. I get more and more tired each day. And yes, I have been watching the night turning into day; the sky from darkness becomes bright.

Coffee really dont help me in staying awake. I still sleepy after drinking it. These few days, I can see that my parents were worried about me. My mum brewed herbal tea for me everyday because she's afraid that I will fall sick. I wasnt in a good mood everyday when I reached home. When I reach home, all i want to do is to faster take a nap and continue doing my work. I'm so lazy to talk and I hope they understand. They checked on me before they sleep and before they went to work. I have been reaching home quite late recently so, I'm going to spend time with them during the weekends while doing my work.

The only bad thing about not having enough sleep is that, my mind isnt functioning! I get confused and I cant remember things well. Just like what happened yesterday morning. I charged my itouch but the switch wasnt switch on. My lesson was 11am but I thought it was 10am. I took a very long time to figure out what is my lesson. When i want to switch off the aircon, I walked to a switch instead. What's more, the switch wasnt use for anything. I left my house with my itouch and without my earpiece. I locked the door and put my key into my bag. But after awhile, I wanted to walk back to the door because I thought I didnt take my key. Yesterday morning was really in a mess..

Okay, i shall now go back to my work and update again tomorrow.

Lastly, Happy 18th bday Angela. It will a happy day for you!:)

Down down down

Another day of burning midnight oil but it wasnt as productive as the other time. I agree I'm always not satisfied with my work. This time round, I'm really not producing anything. Yes I did mockups but all those are equivalent to nothing. I cant see any wow factor, I cant make out something with concept. Its really nothing. Sometimes I really judge my ability. Can I even pass without any consultations? I wanted to nap for 30mins to rest my eyes but my mind is totally awake. I cant even fall asleep. Just now after school, me and stephanie were discussing about our personality. Its seems like there's a change in the both of us. She became who I used to be and I've became who she used to be. Certainly, Both of us felt that we happier with who we used to be. We want to find back ourselves.

Sometimes we are happy, we are sad, we are angry. There's so much emotions in us. Has anyone wonders if you have no feelings at all? Sometimes I wish I weren't born with feelings because sadness often take over happiness. So what if you were once happy? Sadness will take over it after some times and the level of your happiness eventually drops. Yes, you will become happy again. To me, all these were just a cycle that goes round and round. What's more, the impact of sadness is always bigger than happiness. I'm so tired with all these feelings and emotions.

You see, I'm currently feeling so low therefore I started ranting. My mind will be so negative. I cant think of anything that make me happy. However, i think of stuff that make me felt even more sad. Maybe its only me.

I couldnt figure out what's wrong. I always chose the path that i think was right and comfortable. Am I too selfish? Perhaps I am. I'm stubborn and its so hard to change the decision i've made. Sometimes, I dont understand why do I have to be like this too. Why do I complicate things when it's so simple?

I will change. Just give me some time to understand and what I really want from me, myself.

Down down down

Another day of burning midnight oil but it wasnt as productive as the other time. I agree I'm always not satisfied with my work. This time round, I'm really not producing anything. Yes I did mockups but all those are equivalent to nothing. I cant see any wow factor, I cant make out something with concept. Its really nothing. Sometimes I really judge my ability. Can I even pass without any consultations? I wanted to nap for 30mins to rest my eyes but my mind is totally awake. I cant even fall asleep. Just now after school, me and stephanie were discussing about our personality. Its seems like there's a change in the both of us. She became who I used to be and I've became who she used to be. Certainly, Both of us felt that we happier with who we used to be. We want to find back ourselves.

Sometimes we are happy, we are sad, we are angry. There's so much emotions in us. Has anyone wonders if you have no feelings at all? Sometimes I wish I weren't born with feelings because sadness often take over happiness. So what if you were once happy? Sadness will take over it after some times and the level of your happiness eventually drops. Yes, you will become happy again. To me, all these were just a cycle that goes round and round. What's more, the impact of sadness is always bigger than happiness. I'm so tired with all these feelings and emotions.

You see, I'm currently feeling so low therefore I started ranting. My mind will be so negative. I cant think of anything that make me happy. However, i think of stuff that make me felt even more sad. Maybe its only me.

I couldnt figure out what's wrong. I always chose the path that i think was right and comfortable. Am I too selfish? Perhaps I am. I'm stubborn and its so hard to change the decision i've made. Sometimes, I dont understand why do I have to be like this too. Why do I complicate things when it's so simple?

I will change. Just give me some time to understand and what I really want from me, myself.

It took me quite some time to contemplate whether to dye my hair. In the end, I dyed brown. To me, it didnt make much difference compared to before. Basically, its just lighter than what i used to have. I reached home and started doing my work. For the past few days, I have not done anything and i felt so sinful. Started off doing ICE. This week, I did the documentation again. Last week, I remember I told myself that I will not do anything related to ICE. But seeing how unwilling my group mates were, I dont want to risk any of my work because of them. However, that's not the main reason. They have 20 mock ups to do so I shall do it again. Despite of me slacking for the past 2 days, I'm still slacking today. I didnt manage to finish what I've planned to. This is really sinful! As what people always said, never stop doing work because you will lose the momentum. This is so trueeeee!

I'm just so tired right now!

:(

Went shopping with stephanie and angela today. We wanted to shop for CNY clothes but for me, I didnt buy much as nothing catches my eyes. I guess I have to go for a few more times to get enough new clothings! In the evening, we catch a movie together with Liming and JX. Initially, we wanted to watch Saw 7 but it was r21! Big sigh for this! Saw 6 was m18 and at that time, I was 17. Now that im 18, saw7 becomes r21 movie. ARGH! No matter where we go, be it orchard or bugis, its packed with lots of people. All the shops were so crowded that it spoilt my mood for shopping. Whole day long, I cant stop thinking about my work for a second. No matter what I do, where I am, I'm just so worried for it. I dont like this side of me. I dont want to be like this. Throughout the past 3 terms, i've never been like this. Now, I really dont know what's wrong with me. I really dont like to be like this because it's just adding on to my stress.

Please help me to get back to who I am before..

I'm not happy

I'm just so tired right now that I dont feel like doing anything! I am still considering if I should redo the final mockup. Although comments given was good, i just want to make it better. I'm not satisfied with what i've got. But, what I need is time. If I redo the whole thing, I will need to spend more time on it. By doing that, it slows down my progress. I will need to catch up to those who are not redoing their models. Before getting into the floor plan and stuff, I need to make up my mind! This is so frustrating.

I think efficiency is what we need to support our camp chief from feeling stress. We understand everyone's work load so in order to help one another, we have to do our part. So yes, stephanie and keola, we support you guys! :)

Hmm, right now, im still coughing and it hasnt recover. What's wrong? I 've stopped avoiding food that I shouldnt eat because it's still the same afterall

Right now, I'm really very tired but all I can think of is just work, work and work!

What to say?

I only slept at 6.30 am this morning for 3 hrs and i'm off to school. I really like the mood i had yesterday night. Instead of feeling sleepy, I felt rather high in doing my work. I'm glad that I actually finish the final mockup yesterday night. I'm really having the feel to finish all my work this time round. I treasure every minute I have today. Despite of the insufficient hour of sleep, It didnt affect my mood for doing my work. I started to feel that i'm turning into stephanie, the one who only thinks about completing her work. Of course I'm not her! During GEMS, i did some sketches for my model. Instead of listening to the motivation talk, I used the time to finish my 2nd mockup. I know that it was not right to do it at that moment but I rather do something than stoning there.

Met up with Edmund as he's giving extra consultation for our class. Ideas and mockup was all settled. Now, I'm left with the last mockup which is just redoing what I've done few days ago. Of course, there's never a time when I've got nothing to do. I want to finish up what I haven done last term so that I wont be rushing it at the last minute.

Its kind of heartache when your friends told you that they once hate you. When my friends confessed to me about it this morning, I really feel like crying. I'm glad that you guys told me honestly and I'm happy that you guys no longer have that feeling towards me. It seems like I'm not giving others a good first impression about me. Seriously, i dont know what have I done to make you guys think that about me. I'm just doing what I suppose to do. What's more when there is someone backstabbing you. It really spoils my reputations. Please stop making everyone having bad impression of me. Why am I always the topic for your gossip session. I didnt know you well from the start therefore, you got no rights to judge me. If you dont like me, please jolly well come up to me and tell me what have I done wrong. I dont think I did anything to you because I dont even talk to you much. I dont know how much more have you said but please, stop spoiling my reputation as you get nothing from doing that. I CANT and I WONT confront you because I dont want to blow up this matter. By doing all these, it just prove how big your mouth is! The ONLY thing I want you to do NOW is to STOP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING! This really irritates me more and more. I changed my attitude towards you, I changed my views towards YOU! Dont make me hate you. So let me tell you again. STOP DOING ALL THOSE STUPID THINGS. If you wish to continue, I wont stop you because I'm having a clear conscience. I just dont want you to continue spoiling my reputation and changing others' views towards me! It takes me a long time to decide whether to post this. Partly because I'm protecting my friend. But I really want you to know that I know about all these. Im just keeping quiet all these while. Please. dont. test. my. limit.

Taking a break from all those work, I shall have a quick post.

The only word to sum up my day will be 'stress'.

I know this is the designer's life but I dont know why I just felt so stress the whole day. I'm so happy when my mock up idea was locked. But after that Edmund felt that I will be dying if I really do that. Therefore, I was given another idea with the idea from 2 mock ups. It becomes rather simple than what it used to be. I like the idea but I want something with more complexity. I felt so insecure when it looks so simple to me. I didnt have my lunch today and surprisingly, I didnt hungry at all. I forced myself to have my dinner because I know that it will be a long night for me. I got no idea what's wrong with me but i just feel not right. Its not that I've no idea, Its not that I got nothing to show. I just need time to work everything out. On the bus ride, I can feel that I no longer have the mood. I reached home with a 'black face' and I dont really want to talk to anyone. I quickly bathe and started doing my work. After I finish my HTI essay, I really got no mood for the model and I felt so sleepy. Then, I decided to have a power nap of 1hr but I was so afraid that I couldnt wake up. I have to wake up and finish my model. The worst thing is that, even though I was lying down and closing my eyes, I couldnt sleep! My mind was still thinking about my concept, my model. This has never happen in my life before!

But now, I'm really feeling quite high. Although my eyes were like burning, I dont feel like sleeping for tonight. I want to finish at least 1 mockup and if I can, I will do more!:)

Jealousy

'Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.'

What are you doing? What I can see is just jealousy from you and nothing else. I see no point in you doing and saying all those things. Yes, I'm angry because of your nonsense. This is totally none of your business! I shall not say much about it here, just stop your childish act puhhh-leeece!

I'm so tired right now because i didnt have much sleep last night. Tonight, I have 6 mock ups to complete and I haven start doing it. I have to endure and finish as much mock up as I can!

This morning when I was doing my work, I really get distracted with the workers walking here and there. The smell of the paint irritates me terribly. Thus, I asked Angela go to school with me to work together.( Yea! we got our Birkenstock!) We acted as freshie and went to the convection centre. Of course a few of them approach us but after they talked to us, we told them that we are from design school. You can see their dot dot dot face when they know about it. We managed to finish what we've planned and went jp for dinner.

I thought I'm only left with 10 mock ups for the weekend but now I have to do something extra. Group work? Some people like group work, some people dont. I dont mind doing group work but I hope you guys can at least put in more effort to it. I was concern about it because it does affect my grades in the end. I dont want this small project to affect the grades i'm having. Since we are having so many things to do now, why not just finish it asap? I have been asking and worried about it since tuesday for just an answer from you guys. It seems to me that you guys doesnt want to care about it. Therefore, I've decided to do it all on my own. This will definitely solve everything at once.

Finally!

Finally, its a friday!

But, to-do list was increased! Edmund planned to make us do 50 mockups but it was reduced to 10 when we only need to hand in 3. In a way, this was good but how do I have 10 ideas??!

Right now, I dont feel like doing anything because I'm just so tired and sleepy. Tomorrow is another day I have to wake up early because the construction workers will be coming to my house at 9am. I really hate the smell of the paint. I just sat in my living room for 5 mins and I cant stop coughing. How am i going to sleep in my room tomorrow??

Alright, my mind was functioning tonight so I will sort out all my works and go to bed early! bye:)

Tired

This is only the first week of school and we have been staying late for all nights. I came back home and rush to pack my room because they are going to paint our house tomorrow. To save some time for work, I have to do it really fast, everything from the table top have to be removed. But luckily my mum bought cabinet for me to put those stuff.

Currently I have almost completed what is required from Edmund. Though his expectation was much higher, but I like the way he pushes us. This make us work faster and more efficiency. IDS has tons of things to do yet IDR is giving another tons, adding on to our stress.

Back to my health. Although fever has 'left' my body, cough doesnt want to 'leave'. And it has become worst I guess. It makes me breathing so hard but it wasnt asthma. I just felt so difficult to breathe. My chest and head hurts whenever I cough. And, i felt like vomiting at times. Whenever i felt like puking, I went to the toilet but there's nothing coming out. All the virus or bacteria just leave my body now, right now!

P.S. I'm sorry if I've neglected you

Stress!

Right now, I'm finally done with the ACM essay which I procrastinate the most. Project brief was released in a whole chunk today, it seems like there's really a lot to do. I began to feel stress again. This time, I must manage my time really well because all I want is to score! There's so many things on hand to get rid of. Each time when new project brief was released, we often complain and whine about how stress it will be. But, if you rewind back your memories, you will realized that we have actually been through 3 terms of that.

I can foresee the following 6 weeks will have lots of sleepless night. As what lecturers had said, this is the life of a designer.

This shall be a short post, I have to get back to my work! goodluck everyone:)

Back

I'm back to blogging. If you haven realize, I have deleted all my previous posts.

Its 2011, lets put down all our miseries aside and start a new year. Although 2010 and 2011 differ only by a day, it is still a new year, a new beginning.

Yesterday morning, I dragged my feet to the clinic and I was separated from my parents. Because of my flu and fever, I have to enter into another room for checkup. [Looks like i'm suffering from bird flu ya?] I've got 2 days of MC and the doctor advised me not to go to school today. Today was the first day of school reopen, term 4. Unfortunately, I didn't attend school today.

I was told not to sleep in air con room or even switch on the fan but, i ignored :X I on my room's air con as usual. In the morning around 5am, I woke up because I felt so warm and I was sweating. Nope, nothing wrong with my air con but im down with fever again. Its my fault again, I didnt wake up to eat my medicine. This is the first time I had fever for so many days and I could say, I didnt feel good! After having my medicine, i cant get back to my sleep so I brought my pillow and blanket to the sofa and watched tv.

Wondering what am i doing these few days? Basically, there's only watch tv, eat and sleep. I sit on the sofa to watch tv, sit on the sofa to eat, lie on the sofa to sleep. That's it. However, Im quite paranoid today because i dont wanna miss a thing of what the lecturer had said. I have to thank my bro too! He went down to dover and passed stephanie the packaging and postcards. Submission was tomorrow and I was afraid I might not be able to go school again.

I want to go school tomorrow!