Had a great weekend with my dearest. Coming to my house early in the morning to wake me up. Though I felt reluctant to wake up because I'm yearning to sleep longer, I was happy to see him early in the morning. Tides were down and we got back to how we used to be. Thank you for not giving up on us and believe it will be over. Had a simple breakfast and headed to Jurong point. Wanted to watch dark knight but we didnt get there on time. Did some shopping and nothing catches his eyes. Went to his house but didnt do much things. However, we had quality time. I love these quality time. Just by playing around, walking around the house or napping. These are activities that we will feel bored if we were at home but when he's around, everything is different. These are what I meant by spending quality time. Do not need to go anywhere or whatever. Just by slacking at home, it is more than enough. This is the time when both of us start doing silly stuff that nobody will judge! We have been waiting for more than half a year for his brother's return. And yes, he came back from Australia today. The poor boy has no room to sleep tonight but I believe he is more than willing as an exchange for his dearest bro's return! :) 

The urge of giving up is stronger as days goes by. Never had I felt this strong. I totally lose interest in this project. Hanging there and not moving on.

I know that I'm supposed to be rushing my work now but I need to rant again before I can focus. Yes, like I said, I need to consult sooyin and today I managed to consult her. My whole project was changed. What I have did are useless and now I need to do everything from scratch. I thought she will help me move on but nope, everything was changed. I got no idea if that is a good idea. Right now, im rushing against time. We got 4 models to do by 17 august. How am I suppose to do?! I feel so helpless. Whats more I'm doing concrete and I totally got no idea how to do it. All I know is that it is very time consuming. Each set of work needs 24 hours to dry before I can do anything. Seriously, I feel hopeless. I feel like giving up and just start my models using the old design. At least, I know I can get a full submission. Right now, I really got no confident. How am I suppose to do up all my graph within a week and it is not something that is right at the 1st time you doing it.

I cried infront of them today. Pk kept quiet but I know he is trying to help too. I'm feeling so unfair, unfair about why am I deserving all these. I got A for interim but what is the purpose of that when you know you are doing the wrong thing. You see. From the start I dont feel good for what I am doing. I tried to ask for help but sooyin was too busy. Elaine Pk and chris gave me assurance so i got no choice but to keep doing. I even went to find jonathan for help regarding software. Using my time to figure out and try lofting my model even though I was lost at that time. There isnt a meaning of me keep doing it anymore because, everything is useless now. It is easy to say that it is a learning process. Yeah, I'm really trying to do whatever I can but deep inside me, I felt so stress, i felt so helpless and i felt so unfair. Have I not tried enough. I'm not blaming anymore. No one is to blame. But i really dont know what I did to deserve this. Like what others always said, dont care, I just do what I am doing. But I cant. When I know I'm not on the right track, i wouldnt want to do it anymore. Please, give me more time. I want a complete and satisfied submission. I dont want my grades to be affected further. I need the grades.

I need to finish all my data, my graphs before I could start my construction. This will be hell for me seriously..

Big SIGH for this week. Ever since critique on monday, I have been slacking and procrastinate my work. It feels as if I got so much time for it. This is not the way I should be. Jengjeng! However, I got no motivation at all. It is too straightforward that it makes me lose interest in it. I need to consult sooyin seriously. She's the only one who can give me some motivation. From the start of the project, I have been consulting the pair of lecturers which make me feel no assurance at all. I dont want my work to just stop there. It needs something more than what it is. Though i felt that my work is very tedious, nobody knows about it till they experience it. Everyone has been saying, yours easy what. Just trace only. But nobody knows I have been joining each vertex one by one. Editing every frames, every single lines one by one. SIGH SIGH SIGH!

That boy is booking in soon and this time round I'm not sending him off as I need to at least do some work. We do find back the feeling we used to have but I'm still quite negative about it. I'm sorry. Give me some more time to have faith in this relationship. Im really very worried about every quarrels we have. I know every couples fight and I believe those relationship that last, they quarreled frequently. But it's a matter whether you can compromise with it or not. And yes, the word is giving in. It doesnt matter who gives in more but it's whether is there someone giving in. I wont say I give in alot because I know myself, I'm difficult to handle. Lets just give ourselves more time for it. But no matter what, I love you and always will :)

I'm sorry. I guess I still need time to adapt. The changes here and there is too big that Idk how to react at times

I have never got a wishlist but the urge of shopping keeps coming to me. Everyday I am whining to my mum that I want to go work, I want to buy so many things and go overseas with my friends!

Here's my wishlist.

DrMartens-Ramsey

Longchamp Planetes Medium Top Handle

Cheap Monday jeans

I WANT TO SHOP AND BUY WHATEVER CAUGHT MY MIND WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHTS!

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc


ALRIGHT! Back to reality. Back to work! Stop dreaming pft!

Rainbow after every storm. I have been telling myself this no matter how negative I am. Eventually, everything has gone back to where it used to be. He's back! However, I'm still afraid, my heart can no longer be hurt any deeper. I can still remember the stares we gave, the cold voice in our head and the tears that had shed. It felt terrible!

Today i fell so deep. I couldnt forget what you have told me just now. It was a total stunned and disappointment. I didnt know I am this kind of person in your perspective. That was someone I dont know either. I am really speechless

This is how much I am thinking of you right now. I couldnt describe my feeling now but can you tell me that you need me, you love me and you miss me. I'm so afraid that it becomes impossible for us to get back together. Baby, I dont know what has been happening but is this what we really want. Can you tell me that I'm important to you. I dont wanna get replaced

How can you said that you are enjoying and at the same time you need me. Without me, with the cold war we have, you can still enjoy yourself. Thanks, you hurt me deeper today

Back to blogging I guess. As I'm emotional, I tend to spam my twitter and facebook but at the same time, I'm afraid people get irritated by me. Therefore, blog is the only place for my rantings. I miss you so much yet I couldnt meet you. I dont want things to get solved so easily again- by forgetting. Sometimes it just got so contradicting. I couldnt focus because I want to ask you what are you doing. I want to see you so much. My mum becomes the one who understand me the most now because my dad and my bf are the same. Mum is currently angry with him too. With his health problems, he still continues to drink and he wont control. Sigh! Baby, I miss you.

When we became too comfortable
When we became too used to each other
Do we even cherish the presence of one another..

My heart needs a break, a break from everything. Sometimes i was thinking.. When I dont get affected, I get lesser hurt but at the same time it means I'm not loving you as much. Is that what I want? But it gets more and more painful but do you know? Do you even know how am I feeling? We are no longer the same. I love you for who you are but sometimes I have to try very hard to accept every single things of you. Sometimes I just need a break but it became worse. Sometimes can you change for me for a day. I miss those times. Those times when we sacrifice every single thing yet we felt that it's worth it. Those times when we held every single minute we have. Is all these so difficult. I dont want to love you lesser and I pretty cant do so. Tell me, what should I do. Saying you love me and showing you really do are different. Maybe by drifting away from you can make you think of me even more. This is a bet that I'm placing and if things turns out different. Perhaps, I failed.