These 8 weeks of school was not pleasant at all. We were all stressed up not because we have too much things to do yet we do not know what to do. It no longer keep me going, nothing motivates me and I'm losing my faith in it. I have no confidence in whatever i do and the tears explain it all. The stress that I had makes me cried for four hours straight, making my mum cry at the same time and for her to worry if I will suffer from depression. The decision of giving up keep flashing in my mind to the extent that i'm no longer joking about quitting school. But I know I shouldnt. I shouldnt waste my 2 and a half years not getting a diploma. I shouldnt waste the money my parents had spent on me as design school isnt cheap at all. The materials for my models and the money for printings are actually a bomb!

However, today's crit gave me a slit of light. I finally see some hope in it but I wouldnt say it's good because they actually have nothing to crit about. Everything seems so schematic. I even wouldnt want to compare my work with other atelier. I couldnt stop blaming of the wrong decision I made- the atelier I chose- but I have to live with it. These 3 weeks shall be short break for me, to get away from the stress and sorrows.

What else adds up to my sorrows? There's actually alot more. Life sucks totally!

To me, I cherish every friends that I have because they play an important role in my life. But because of the importance, I get sensitive and I dont deny that. How many times have my sensitiveness proven it. I'm sorry if i'm demanding and I'm sorry if I have got high expectations. What I simply want is the sense of belongings to someone else. I'm not a person who can give everything out and not wanting something in return. And for my friends, I can do whatever you want me to because I cherish you guys. I just dont want to play a single person role whereby i treasure everyone but no one actually does.. I agree that I have many friends in this journey of my life. However in putting the blame on me, am I really the one who let it go. True friends is not how long you have met and how close you guys were. But who came and never go....

Who knows? One day I may not have anyone to rely on.
Who stays?
Who left?
And who is really true to you?...

I wished I could share the burden with you. I'm sorry to be your burden!