The second day after submission and the feeling is fantastic. This term was a nightmare throughout these 3 years in DID. We rant and we complaints, we cried and we laughed, all the pains and sorrows were over. Stayed in school everyday till late night, sometimes too tired that we need to cab home. We made it and we completed what we need to do with our bare hands. Some models were brought to workshop outside for cutting and some were done by banglas. This is all the unhappiness especially when we were there doing it ourselves. It isnt easy because those woods are really heavy. One day after another, we became weaker and weaker. From the first day we had all our energy to carry those loads to the day we could really grab something. Nevertheless, the group of friends have been a great help in this project. Humans are born selfish and I wouldnt deny I'm not. But from this project, you can really spot who are the friends who will stay by your side no matter how much they still have to do and willing to help you. I know this project wouldnt be completed if I'm working alone so I thanks all the people who had helped me!

I know I'm a sensitive person which sometimes make me think alot. But to me, this world is too complicated that I cannot do anything. I want to understand everyone around me, understand who is really there for me. i dont want to be someone who is not appreciated in the crowd and not knowing. I will leave if that isnt a place for me and I am more than willing to stay if im welcome. Therefore, I think and yes I think alot. However, throughout so many situations I know who are the ones who really understand me and I would say  there isnt much. Not even friends that I have know for 8 years. And I concluded that everyone is selfish because they only think of themselves first.

But, I have learn to let go. People stay and go. There isnt a way or a reason for me to stop them. Some are selfish in a way that they only think about themselves. Whatever they are unhappy with, the fault will lies on you. No matter how much you have helped them, no matter how you have been treating them. They do not see it. What they see is themselves as the right one and you, the one who have made a mistake and out you go!
And some, they only stay when they need you. They priorities what is important to them. If you are not their top priorities, uh-oh! wait for your turn then. However, you do not have to do anything because they will come to you when it is the time they need you.

Life goes on! and what we need to do is not to let these people affect your life. I'm glad that I still have a bunch of friends that are willing to share my tears and joy. last but not least. Someone who will never judge me for who I am. My bf <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

This week's weekend shopping trip was failed somehow but its okay, we spent quality time with his brother who is flying back to Australia tonight sadly. This bro of his is easy- going and sometimes I really joke with him like I have know him for long. I have always yearning for a elder brother and yup. I have been treated him like my brother. Time flies. I remember the last time I met him was half year ago then he came back for 2 weeks and today he is flying back again. No idea when he's coming back but he said should be another 1 year plus or so. Yea.. we will miss you dearly!

Its a Sunday night, the night that I miss baby the most. After spending two days together, it's the time i miss him the most.

Okay! Let it be just a short post as I'm too sleepy right now. Haven been doing any work so here I am, going to bed and not care about anything! :)

Before I get back to work, I want to rant for awhile.

I seriously hate the life I'm having and hate the surroundings I am in. Yes, the world is competitive and realistic. This is how we were shaped. But this is not the life I want to be. In this world, what you need is a cert (a piece of paper) and money. You can have everything you want with this 2 items. 'No money no talk'. This is so true. So what about going university? Do you learn more things if you studied more? Yes to an extent and for some courses. But what about design? It's all about experiences. I dont want to further my studies is because I cannot learn as much compared to working. Our projects are getting more and more useless. When everyone is doing the same thing using the 'formula' steps, wasting resources, wasting money, wasting time and creating unnecessary disagreements. Are these worth it?

Seriously, I dont like to be competitive. I'm never a competitive person in nature. But I have been shaped to become one. Because I clearly know that being competitive will make you better in terms of result. It is proven. Yes, I know it is not about result. Everyone said its about the process. Enjoying the process. But without scoring well, can you enjoy? When you got an A for your result, will you feel unhappy? An A makes everything worth it. Because of moderation, everyone becomes competitive.

However, other than all those, there is 3 person I want to thank the most in these few weeks. And they are my mum, my dear bf, Angela and Aaron. In terms of studies, Angela and Aaron have helped me alot. Without them, I wouldnt have worked so fast and catch up with the pace. Redo-ing everything is not an easy task. And yes, I will help you guys when I could. We can do it, even if we are doing it ALONE. Just 3 more weeks. For mum and bf, they are my motivation. The one who listens to all my rantings and encourage me whenever I'm not feeling good. They shower me with love and make me feel that life is not a total of darkness. Thankyou!

Had a great weekend with my dearest. Coming to my house early in the morning to wake me up. Though I felt reluctant to wake up because I'm yearning to sleep longer, I was happy to see him early in the morning. Tides were down and we got back to how we used to be. Thank you for not giving up on us and believe it will be over. Had a simple breakfast and headed to Jurong point. Wanted to watch dark knight but we didnt get there on time. Did some shopping and nothing catches his eyes. Went to his house but didnt do much things. However, we had quality time. I love these quality time. Just by playing around, walking around the house or napping. These are activities that we will feel bored if we were at home but when he's around, everything is different. These are what I meant by spending quality time. Do not need to go anywhere or whatever. Just by slacking at home, it is more than enough. This is the time when both of us start doing silly stuff that nobody will judge! We have been waiting for more than half a year for his brother's return. And yes, he came back from Australia today. The poor boy has no room to sleep tonight but I believe he is more than willing as an exchange for his dearest bro's return! :) 

The urge of giving up is stronger as days goes by. Never had I felt this strong. I totally lose interest in this project. Hanging there and not moving on.

I know that I'm supposed to be rushing my work now but I need to rant again before I can focus. Yes, like I said, I need to consult sooyin and today I managed to consult her. My whole project was changed. What I have did are useless and now I need to do everything from scratch. I thought she will help me move on but nope, everything was changed. I got no idea if that is a good idea. Right now, im rushing against time. We got 4 models to do by 17 august. How am I suppose to do?! I feel so helpless. Whats more I'm doing concrete and I totally got no idea how to do it. All I know is that it is very time consuming. Each set of work needs 24 hours to dry before I can do anything. Seriously, I feel hopeless. I feel like giving up and just start my models using the old design. At least, I know I can get a full submission. Right now, I really got no confident. How am I suppose to do up all my graph within a week and it is not something that is right at the 1st time you doing it.

I cried infront of them today. Pk kept quiet but I know he is trying to help too. I'm feeling so unfair, unfair about why am I deserving all these. I got A for interim but what is the purpose of that when you know you are doing the wrong thing. You see. From the start I dont feel good for what I am doing. I tried to ask for help but sooyin was too busy. Elaine Pk and chris gave me assurance so i got no choice but to keep doing. I even went to find jonathan for help regarding software. Using my time to figure out and try lofting my model even though I was lost at that time. There isnt a meaning of me keep doing it anymore because, everything is useless now. It is easy to say that it is a learning process. Yeah, I'm really trying to do whatever I can but deep inside me, I felt so stress, i felt so helpless and i felt so unfair. Have I not tried enough. I'm not blaming anymore. No one is to blame. But i really dont know what I did to deserve this. Like what others always said, dont care, I just do what I am doing. But I cant. When I know I'm not on the right track, i wouldnt want to do it anymore. Please, give me more time. I want a complete and satisfied submission. I dont want my grades to be affected further. I need the grades.

I need to finish all my data, my graphs before I could start my construction. This will be hell for me seriously..

Big SIGH for this week. Ever since critique on monday, I have been slacking and procrastinate my work. It feels as if I got so much time for it. This is not the way I should be. Jengjeng! However, I got no motivation at all. It is too straightforward that it makes me lose interest in it. I need to consult sooyin seriously. She's the only one who can give me some motivation. From the start of the project, I have been consulting the pair of lecturers which make me feel no assurance at all. I dont want my work to just stop there. It needs something more than what it is. Though i felt that my work is very tedious, nobody knows about it till they experience it. Everyone has been saying, yours easy what. Just trace only. But nobody knows I have been joining each vertex one by one. Editing every frames, every single lines one by one. SIGH SIGH SIGH!

That boy is booking in soon and this time round I'm not sending him off as I need to at least do some work. We do find back the feeling we used to have but I'm still quite negative about it. I'm sorry. Give me some more time to have faith in this relationship. Im really very worried about every quarrels we have. I know every couples fight and I believe those relationship that last, they quarreled frequently. But it's a matter whether you can compromise with it or not. And yes, the word is giving in. It doesnt matter who gives in more but it's whether is there someone giving in. I wont say I give in alot because I know myself, I'm difficult to handle. Lets just give ourselves more time for it. But no matter what, I love you and always will :)