A post before I go to bed.

The emo-ness is still overwhelming me.

I'm so tired. So so tired.

What are these changes for?

Was it too late? was it worthless? was it not enough?

Why do I see......................

I breakdown again, halfway through typing and got no idea how to continue.

Am i doing all these to appreciate others or myself?

Idk if I have changed for the better but i definitely know that i did more than i used to.

Shouldnt I appreciate others more than myself?

When everyone is happy, I will be happy too.

To me, this is life. It's never yourself.

Lost of words. I shall stop here!

Those words were stuck in my mind.

I know those aren't harsh words but what you really think inside.

I know and I accepted it but I really can't change.

How I wish I could just open my mouth and say something that is pleasant but I just couldn't.

Words that are pleasant just couldn't came out of my mouth and were all stuck in my mind.

I know more than anyone else that I need a change but I feel so helpless whenever I wanted to..

Not right not right!.

Everything just seems so not right.

I need to change and yes, it has proven that I really need a change.

But how. This is just me. I need a long time to change, it's not easy at all.

What's inside me, who's inside me. I need to know.

That feeling sucks.

I dont even know who am I, what to change and how to change.

All I know is just change for the better.

BETTER!

It takes a second to change yesterday to today, how long do i need to change myself to a better self?!

SUcks sucks sucks!

Some songs just speak all your emotions out as words are harder to be explained.

The feelings are still disturbing me and I can't get rid of it.

Met up with Pf, Larry, Zw, Jab and Cj.

They are the one who I spent my 5 years in secondary school with.

They might not be the one whom i pour my troubles to, they might not be the one who understand me the most.

But, they are the ones i enjoyed with!

The 5 years of friendship we have built up cannot be compared because we had experience so much things in that 5years!

As usual, i'm always bullied by them but, i enjoyed it:)

Holiday is the time we can only meet because we were all in different school and course. We hardly get to meet up.

Though I might have drifted away from you guys but dont worry, I'm back.

You guys are not forgotten.

Still my good friends, always be!

These emotional nights, I cant stand it anymore.

I can't explain what am i brooding about, what am I stress about.

Just like what JX said, ' the feeling of NotGoodEnough!'

Life, Love, Work, School, Future, Friends, Myself etc..

It's filled in my mind that is cant stop brooding about!

I really need to do something to prove that I can do it but it's just the confident i need in order to push myself.!

I need to convince everyone and including myself that I am good.

I dont want to be the one who is always hiding behind someone else anymore.

I dont want others to look down on me.

I know I can do it but what's stopping me?!

Recently, smoking and drinking were stuck in my mind that I really feel like trying. Those are what I hate the most in my life. It's not so much of smoking, just curious what's so good about it that the close ones around me are touching it. For drinking, I'm really tempted. I want to know how I behave when I'm drunk. I want to get high so that I can stop thinking about stuff for that moment. However, I know that these couldnt solve anything that I'm troubled right not. And i know I wont feel good either.

Life is really tough when you got into too much things, when you got older, when you care too much and when you think too much!

Anyway, I really thanks JX for listening to me these few days though he has his own problem too! :)

Needtodosomething!

I got so affected each time I know something about you. I'm not jealous but I felt so unfair! Unfair not because I dont have but what you did is not known by others. Will you be happy after all? do you think that you gave a 100%? Do you think that it's worth it? I don't mind of you learning but are you really learning? Do you even know what was that and how you got that? You made me look down on you! So please, dont whine, dont complain because, you got so much benefits than us!

I got so much to say just now but I think i've cool down!

I cant get myself relax these few days. I so troubled with what I've done and what I've not. Ever since the release of grades for the previous submission, I got demoralized badly! Whenever I went for consultation, Kelly would tell me ' you are there, keep doing'. When you me i'm there, I dont know what to improve but just keep finishing what i should. In the end, what I've just got was a straight b. This shows that my stuff were not really there yet. And now, the refinement, I got not much changes and we there's nothing much i can change because the submission is already ongoing. My concept were not strong, autocad were not detailed and i'm freaking worried for my walkthrough now! Tell me, what can I do to improve! I dont want to just finish what im supposed to! I want an improvement because, B is not what i want. This really will affect my GPA alot.

Yes, the learning process is the most important part of learning. However, what's important to our life is grades! I need good grades, i need a high GPA, I want to go uni and of course a good future.

Right now, I can feel that i'm almost giving up on what i'm doing. But on the other hand, I cant bear to let it go. I'm still holding on. I need to do something to pull up my grades but it's too late. I'm just left with autocad, journal and walk through! As for autocad, Kelly has never care much about our detailing. This make me worried alot . Walkthrough is really stressing me! They just spend a couple of hours teaching us and yet, they just taught us briefly. How can we do it on our own when everything was so brief?!

The last submission I got all B and now, the criteria will definitely be higher. How am I going to score?!!!!!

This really affect me badly recently!

So many days have past, it seems like my body cannot take it soon. I tried so hard to stay awake and the feeling was not good at all. We have got our submission extend but it doesnt mean we have more time. For those who are slower, it benefits them because they will be able to submit a full submission. However, that's not enough. When everybody has the full submission, what we are competing is the quality. And yes, I take this submission seriously. Or I can say I treat all submission seriously. I need to at least maintain my GPA but after this afternoon, I lost all my confident. I got all Bs for my last submission. Though I felt that I didnt do well, I'm still very disappointed. This will drag down my GPA!! What's worse is that, I felt so unfair because of..........